雅思寫作6.5到7分的痛點：觀點的論證展開！

雅思寫(xie) 作雖說由4個(ge) 評分項決(jue) 定，但之前文章中就說過，不論是從(cong) 官方的反饋還是攀哥我自己10多年的教學經驗來看，TR(Task Response)是考生失分最多的點。

以7分段為(wei) 例，TR主要包含三個(ge) 方麵：

1. addresses all parts of the task

2. presents a clear position throughout the response 

3. presents, extends and supports main ideas

3個(ge) 細則中，以第三點中的 extends and supports main ideas最難，這也是大多數6/6.5分考生無法上7的最大原因。‍

高分的文章需要對觀點進行充分的論證展開(well-developed),什麽(me) 是well-developed? 嚴(yan) 格來說論證是否充分是比較主觀的，偏向個(ge) 人的理解。但是雅思考試作為(wei) 標準化測試，必須給出一些客觀的準則，以保證可操作性和打分的可重複性。‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

今天以劍17和劍15的兩(liang) 個(ge) 題目為(wei) 例為(wei) 大家談談兩(liang) 個(ge) 準則(隻談兩(liang) 個(ge) )：‍

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development. (C17, Band 6, 反麵例子)

提示：西方人認為(wei) 西醫才是正統的醫學方法，其他的方法比如草藥，針灸，推拿等等都屬於(yu) 替代性療法(alternative medicines and treatments)。‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

In some countries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation.（C15， Band 7， 正麵例子）

準則一：論證要符合邏輯

聽起來感覺像廢話，但做到還真不容易。

劍17的6分文章有一個(ge) 觀點是論述alternative medicines的缺點：The first disadvantage of alternative medicines is that nobody knows how this treatment affect a person’s health. There are cases when using different herbals caused allergic reaction and some people died.

考生的觀點是沒有人知道這種治療的效果，後麵的解釋是有一些人出現了過敏反應和死亡。這裏的問題是，難道usual doctor所代表的傳(chuan) 統醫學(西醫)就不會(hui) 出現過敏和死亡嗎？當然不是。這個(ge) 論證不具有唯一性或獨特性，所以並不合理。我覺得好的論證可以是下麵這樣。

The first disadvantage of alternative medicines is that nobody knows how this treatment affect a person’s health. Most alternative treatments are backed not by scientific evidence but by the experience of practitioners. Therefore, treatments are not subject to the same standards of safety and efficacy, so the results may not be as reliable as those from traditional medicines.

接下來有一個(ge) 觀點論述alternative medicines的優(you) 點：

One advantage is that alternative medicines are usually much cheaper than usual treatment as you do not have to go to a pharmacy and buy expensive drugs.

當我看到便宜的時候我是有疑問的。去年我家老大得了鼻炎，采用了西醫和推拿(替代性療法)治療，推拿可並不便宜！當然，如果考生能進行合理的論證展開說服我也行，但是後麵說便宜的原因是因為(wei) 不用買(mai) 昂貴的藥。這個(ge) 就顯得考慮不周了，在替代性療法中(比如推拿，氣功等)，治療本身可是要花錢的。

接下來是另一個(ge) 關(guan) 於(yu) alternative medicine優(you) 點的論述:‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

Alternative medicines do not cause environmental problems such as air pollution or gas waste. Many pharmaceutical plants use chemicals which have harmful effects on the environment.

考生給出觀點alternative medicines不造成環境問題。後麵的解釋是製藥廠(這裏指西醫)要用傷(shang) 害環境的化學物質。又是嚴(yan) 重的邏輯問題。這裏是要論述A的好，而同學寫(xie) 的B的不好。B不好怎麽(me) 就能證明A好呢？比如我讓同學證明某老師很帥，他說因為(wei) 攀老師很醜(chou) 。

正確的論證應該是直接論述A，如下麵這樣:‍‍‍‍‍‍

Alternative medicines may be more environmentally friendly. This is because some herbal remedies and dietary supplements may be made from natural ingredients and may not require as much processing as traditional medicines. Additionally, some alternative therapies, such as acupuncture or massage therapy, may not require the use of any medications at all.

在雅思寫(xie) 作團教學中，我一直強調雅思不是邏輯能力測試，它不要專(zhuan) 業(ye) ，但是合理是必須的。‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

準則二：充分的論證需要有細節‍‍‍‍‍‍

這裏有一個(ge) 重要的概念：細節思維。這裏不展開講這個(ge) 知識，給大家提一個(ge) 重要的小技巧：多寫(xie) 並列結構。無論是道理論證，還是舉(ju) 例論證，多寫(xie) 並列結構。‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

比如劍15的7分文章，考生寫(xie) 租房會(hui) 有各種各樣的stressors, 至少寫(xie) 兩(liang) 個(ge) stressor.‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

If you are renting an apartment, there might be a lot of stressors in your life. A scratched wall can cause you a major headache, because the wall was not yours (第一個(ge) ). The bedroom you are currently sleeping in might not be available as long as you hope, things happen in life and maybe the next landlord won’t want to have you as a tenant  (第二個(ge) ).

又比如考生講租房的一個(ge) 優(you) 點，經濟上是一個(ge) relief.‍‍‍‍‍‍

In other perspective, not owning your home could be a relief when it comes to your finance. (1) As a renter your won’t have to pay mortgage, take loans or spend an awful lot of money on buying the property. (2)You wouldn’t have to worry about the house market crashing or a natural disaster destroying your expensive home. 1和 2兩(liang) 句構成並列結構，每一個(ge) 句子內(nei) 部又有多個(ge) 小的並列結構。‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

剛剛給大家看的對考生文章的改進, 我自己在寫(xie) 的時候也用了大量的並列結構來增加內(nei) 容的豐(feng) 富程度。‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍Alternative medicines may be more environmentally friendly. (1)This is because some herbal remedies and dietary supplements may be made from natural ingredients and may not require as much processing as traditional medicines. (2) Additionally, some alternative therapies, such as acupuncture or massage therapy, may not require the use of any medications at all.

請記住：並列結構是提升文章內(nei) 容豐(feng) 富度的重要方法。

觀的點論證和展開，其實還有更多的準則，但這部分屬於(yu) 雅思寫(xie) 作團和衝(chong) 刺班課程的核心內(nei) 容，就不在此公眾(zhong) 號做更多公開分享了，祝好！