成功錄取哈佛的10篇文書示範

在申請劇增的情態下，美國頂尖大學的門檻越築越高。

據哈佛最新招生情況統計：

今年，共有 54,008 名學生申請哈佛，最終共有1,937名學生獲得哈佛錄取，錄取率已連續多年低於(yu) 5%，今年為(wei) 曆史第三低3.59%，最低紀錄為(wei) 2022年（3.19%）。

在有限的申請材料中，如何讓招生官透過文字就對你產(chan) 生興(xing) 趣？一封誠意滿滿的申請文書(shu) 就顯得十分關(guan) 鍵。

要知道，申請文書(shu) 就像專(zhuan) 屬於(yu) 你的一張名片。你看問題的角度，你的個(ge) 性、你的特點、以及你的學術興(xing) 趣，都會(hui) 躍然於(yu) 你的文字之間。

那麽(me) ，在上萬(wan) 份申請文書(shu) 中，什麽(me) 樣的故事可以打動哈佛招生官呢？

今日，哈佛大學依照慣例隆重公布了最新的“2024年10篇成功申請哈佛的優(you) 秀申請文書(shu) 範例”。

在公布的申請文書(shu) 中，有亞(ya) 裔家庭移民的故事，也有動物園、烤餅幹，以及征服滑板的故事。學生們(men) 通過這些這一個(ge) 個(ge) 小故事，讓招生官生動形象地看到了他們(men) 的成長經曆/背景，了解他們(men) 內(nei) 心世界與(yu) 思考角度，從(cong) 而挑選出最適合哈佛的學生。

在這裏，老師也從(cong) 這10篇優(you) 秀的申請文書(shu) 中，挑選了2篇進行分享：

01、Michelle's Essay

主題：#亞(ya) 裔、韓國、移民故事。作者采用“Fish Out of Water”俚語開頭，這句話翻譯是，魚離開水，意指不得其所，形容一個(ge) 人處於(yu) 不熟悉且不舒適的環境之中，十分不自在。借此描述了他在10歲時，隨父母從(cong) 韓國移民到美國伊利諾伊州生活的故事。

Successful Harvard Essay

Fish Out of Water

idiom. a person who is in an unnatural environment; completely out of place.

俚語：一個(ge) 處於(yu) 不自然環境中的人；完全格格不入的人。

When I was ten, my dad told me we were moving to somewhere called "Eely-noise." The screen flashed blue as he scrolled through 6000 miles of water on Google Earth to find our new home. Swipe, swipe, swipe, and there it was: Illinois, as I later learned.

我十歲那年，爸爸告訴我，我們(men) 要搬到一個(ge) 叫 "Eely-noise "的地方。當他在穀歌地球上滾動瀏覽 6000 英裏的水域，尋找我們(men) 的新家時，屏幕閃爍著藍光。滑動，滑動，滑動，就到了：伊利諾伊州，我後來才知道。

Moving to America was like going from freshwater into saltwater. Not only did my mom complain that American food was too salty, but I was helplessly caught in an estuary of languages, swept by daunting tides of tenses, articles, and homonyms. It's not a surprise that I developed an intense, breathless kind of thirst for what I now realize is my voice and self-expression.

搬到美國就像是從(cong) 淡水進入鹹水。不僅(jin) 我媽媽抱怨美國食物太鹹，我也無助地陷入了語言的河口，被令人生畏的時態、冠詞和同音詞弄得頭暈目眩。難怪我產(chan) 生了一種極度渴望的感覺，現在我才明白，那是我想要表達自己聲音和情感的渴望。

This made sense because the only background I had in English was “Konglish”--an unhealthy hybrid of Korean and English--and broken phrases I picked up from SpongeBob. As soon as I stepped into my first class in America, I realized the gravity of the situation: I had to resort to clumsy pantomimes, or what I euphemistically called body language, to convey the simplest messages. School became an unending game of pictionary.

其實也很正常，畢竟我的英文基礎隻有“Konglish（韓式英語）”——韓語和英語混合體(ti) ——還有從(cong) 《海綿寶寶》裏學來的斷斷續續的片段。第一次走進美國教室時就意識到事情嚴(yan) 重性：我必須得用笨拙手勢或者委婉稱之為(wei) 肢體(ti) 語言傳(chuan) 達最簡單信息。學校變成了一場無休止的猜謎遊戲。

Amid the dizzying pool of vowels and phonesmes and idioms (why does spilling beans end friendships?), the only thing that made sense was pictures and diagrams. Necessarily, I soon became interested in biology as its textbook had the highest picture-to-text ratio. Although I didn't understand all the ant-like captions, the colorful diagrams were enough to catch my illiterate attention: a green ball of chyme rolling down the digestive tract, the rotor of the ATP synthase spinning like a waterwheel. Biology drew me with its ELL-friendliness and never let go.

在令人眼花繚亂(luan) 的元音、輔音和俚語（為(wei) 什麽(me) “泄露秘密”會(hui) 破壞友誼？）中，唯一能使我理解的就是圖片和圖表。很快，我開始對生物學感興(xing) 趣，因為(wei) 那本書(shu) 插圖比例最高！雖然我看不懂那些像螞蟻一樣的密密麻麻注釋，但色彩鮮豔的圖表足以吸引我這個(ge) 文盲的注意力：綠色的食糜球在消化道裏滾動，ATP合成酶的轉子像水車一樣旋轉。生物課以其對英語語言學習(xi) 者的友好吸引著我，從(cong) 未放手。

I later learned in biology that when a freshwater fish goes in saltwater, it osmoregulates--it drinks a lot of water and urinates less. This used to hold true for my school day, when I constantly chugged water to fill awkward silences and lubricate my tongue to form better vowels. This habit in turn became a test of English-speaking and bladder control: I constantly missed the timing to go to the bathroom by worrying about how to ask. The only times I could express myself were through my fingers, between the pages of Debussy and under my pencil tip. To fulfill my need for self-expression and communication, I took up classical music, visual art, and later, creative writing. To this day, I will never forget the ineffable excitement when I delivered a concerto, finished a sculpture, and found beautiful words that I could not pronounce. If biology helped me understand, art helped me be understood.

後來我在生物學課上學到，當淡水魚進入鹹水時，它會(hui) 通過調節體(ti) 內(nei) 的鹽分和水分來保持體(ti) 內(nei) 的鹽分濃度平衡——喝大量水少尿排出等等。這跟我曾經上學時的情況如出一轍，我經常不停地喝水來填補尷尬的沉默，並潤濕舌頭發好發清楚元音。這種習(xi) 慣反過來成了英語口才和膀胱控製能力的考驗：我總是因為(wei) 擔心如何詢問而錯過上廁所的時間。我唯一能表達自己的方式是通過手指——在德彪西（Debussy）的曲譜頁和筆尖之下創作。於(yu) 是，為(wei) 了滿足自我表達和溝通的需要，我開始接觸古典音樂(le) 、視覺藝術，甚至是後來開始創作文學作品。直到今天，我仍然無法忘記當我演奏完一首協奏曲、完成一件雕塑、找到那些我無法發出卻美麗(li) 的詞匯時，帶給我的那種難以言喻的激動之情。如果說生物學幫助我理解世界，那麽(me) 藝術就是幫助我被世界所理解。

There's something human, empathetic, even redemptive about both art and biology. While they helped me reconcile with English and my new home, their power to connect and heal people is much bigger than my example alone. In college and beyond, I want to pay them forward, whether by dedicating myself to scientific research, performing in benefit concerts, or simply sharing the beauty of the arts. Sometimes, language feels slippery like fish on my tongue. But knowing that there are things that transcend language grounds and inspires me. English seeped into my tongue eventually, but I still pursue biology and arts with the same, perhaps universal, exigency and sincerity: to understand and to be understood.

藝術和生物學都有著人性、共情甚至救贖的力量。它們(men) 不僅(jin) 幫助我適應英語和新家，而且其連接和治愈人們(men) 的力量遠遠超出了我的個(ge) 人例子。在大學乃至以後的日子裏，我希望能將這種力量傳(chuan) 遞下去，無論是通過投身科學研究，參加公益音樂(le) 會(hui) 演出，還是僅(jin) 僅(jin) 分享藝術的美好。有時候，語言感覺像舌尖上的滑魚，難以捉摸。但知道有超越語言的東(dong) 西存在，讓我感到踏實和受到鼓舞。英語最終滲透進了我的舌頭，但我仍然以同樣的，或許是普遍的，迫切和真誠的態度追求生物學和藝術：理解世界，也被世界所理解。

Over the years, I have come to acknowledge and adore my inner fish, that confused, tongue-twistedand home-sick ELL kid from the other side of the world, which will forever coexist within me. And I've forgiven English, although I still can't pronounce words like “rural,” because it gifted me with new passions to look forward to every day. Now, when I see kids with the same breathless look that I used to have gasping for home water, Don't worry, I want to tell them.

多年來，我逐漸認識到並愛上了我內(nei) 心的“魚”，那個(ge) 來自世界另一端、迷茫、舌頭打結、思鄉(xiang) 的ELL（英語學習(xi) 者）孩子，它將永遠與(yu) 我共存。我也原諒了英語，盡管我仍然無法正確發音“rural”這個(ge) 詞，因為(wei) 它給了我每天期待的新激情。現在，每當我看到孩子們(men) 像我過去渴望回家的水時露出的緊張表情，我都想對他們(men) 說：

You'll find your water.

“別擔心，你們(men) 會(hui) 找到自己的水域的。”

招生官評語

Michelle's essay offers the reader a picturesque and witty journey through their immigrant experience of adapting to their new life in Illinois (Eely-noise!).

Michelle的文章為(wei) 讀者呈現了一段生動有趣、引人入勝的旅程，講述了他們(men) 作為(wei) 移民適應伊利諾伊州新生活的經曆（Eely-noise！）。

While some immigrant experience essays can come across as predictable, Michelle deftly crafts an extended metaphor using the idiom of a “fish out of water” to connect their passions for both biology and art with their evolving struggle to master English.

雖然有些移民經曆文章可能顯得平淡無奇，但Michelle巧妙地利用“Fish Out of Water”的俚語，構建了一個(ge) 延伸的隱喻，將他對生物學和藝術的熱愛與(yu) 他學習(xi) 英語到掌握英語的不斷發展聯係起來。

The uniqueness comes in the candid and often humorous depictions of Michelle's everyday struggles with language, from initially resorting to “clumsy pantomimes” to signal an intent to go to the bathroom to their “ineffable excitement” at finding beautiful new words to express themselves, showcasing Michelle's eventual growth into an articulate writer in full command of the English language.

文章的獨特之處在於(yu) 坦率而幽默地描述了Michelle每天與(yu) 語言鬥爭(zheng) 的經曆，從(cong) 最初用“肢體(ti) 語言”來表示想上廁所，到找到美麗(li) 的新詞來表達自己時“難以言喻的興(xing) 奮”，展示出Michelle米歇爾最終成長為(wei) 一位能熟練運用英語的作家。

Michelle's diverse passions, ranging from music, to art, to biology, are on full display in this essay, but what's most impressive is Michelle's nuanced and introspective journaling of adapting to American life and culture. It's evident that Michelle genuinely loves writing and relishes finding the right words to convey their thoughts, showcasing their tenacity and love of learning.

這篇文章充分展示了米歇爾對音樂(le) 、藝術、生物學等各種興(xing) 趣的熱愛，但最令人印象深刻的是米歇爾對適應美國生活和文化的細致入微和內(nei) 省的記錄。顯然，Michelle真心熱愛寫(xie) 作，並樂(le) 於(yu) 找到合適的詞語來表達自己的想法，展示自己的毅力和對學習(xi) 的熱愛。

Michelle's sincere exuberance for growing as a writer and artist shines throughout this essay, with a warmth and humor that's infectious.

Michelle對成長為(wei) 作家和藝術家的真誠熱情貫穿了整篇文章，溫暖而幽默，極具感染力。

02、Francisco's Essay

主題：本篇文章描述了他參與(yu) 麻省理工學院的少數族裔工程與(yu) 科學入門 (MITES) 項目的經曆。

Successful Harvard Essay

Three days before I got on a plane to go across the country for six weeks I quit milk cold-turkey. I had gone to the chiropractor to get a general check up. I knew I had scoliosesis and other problems; however, I learned that because of my excessive, to say the least, intake of milk my body had developed a hormone imbalance. I decided it would be best for my health to completely stop drinking milk and avoid dairy when possible. Little did I know, this was only the start of a summer of change; three days later I got on a plane to attend the Minority Introduction To Engineering and Science (MITES) program in Massachusetts.

在我準備登上飛機前往美國度過6周時間的前三天，我徹底戒掉了牛奶。我去脊椎按摩師那裏做了一次全身檢查。我知道我有脊柱側(ce) 彎和其他問題；然而，我了解到，由於(yu) 我過度攝入牛奶，我的身體(ti) 出現了激素失衡。為(wei) 了我的健康，我決(jue) 定完全戒掉喝牛奶，並盡可能不喝乳製品。我當時不知道，這隻是一個(ge) 夏天改變的開始；三天後，我就坐上了去馬薩諸塞州參加 "少數族裔工程與(yu) 科學入門"（MITES）項目的飛機。

I assumed that most of the people were going to be unhealthily competitive because of my past experiences. I thought I would keep to myself, do my work, and come back no different. Living in a building with 80 people I've never met in a place I've never been while making a significant life style change was not easy. The first few days were not kind: I got mild stomach ulcers, it was awkward, and I felt out of place. That first Thursday night however, all of that started to change. On Thursday evenings we had “Family Meetings” and on this particular Thursday part of our Machine Learning class was working together when the time came to go to the dining hall for whatever this “Family Meeting” was. Honestly we dreaded it at first, “I have work to do” was the most common phrase. We learned that “Family Meeting” was a safe space for us to talk about anything and everything. Today's theme was, “what's something important about your identity that makes you unique?” but the conversation quickly evolved into so much more. People spoke about losing family members, being shunned at home, not feeling comfortable in their own skin, and more. So many people opened up about incredibly personal things, I felt honored to be given that trust. The room was somber and warm with empathy as the meeting concluded. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Izzy, one of my Machine Learning classmates, rushing back to the conference room. I realized something was not right. Instinctively, I followed her back to where we were working. Izzy sat down and immediately broke down, the rest of us filed in as she started to talk about what was wrong. It felt as though an ambulance was sitting on my chest, my breaths were short and stingy. I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn't be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn't care for me. In this one moment all my insecurities, some I didn't even know I had, came to the surface. The heavy silence of hushed sobbing was broken by an outpouring of support and a hug. We all started sharing what we're going through and even some of our past trauma. Slowly that weight is lifted off my chest. I feel comfortable, I feel wanted, I feel safe.

由於(yu) 我過去的經曆，我以為(wei) 大多數人都會(hui) 有不健康的好勝心。我以為(wei) 我可以獨來獨往，做好自己的工作，回來後也不會(hui) 有什麽(me) 不同。我和 80 個(ge) 素不相識的人住在一棟樓裏，在一個(ge) 我從(cong) 未去過的地方，同時還要做出重大的生活方式改變，這並不容易。最初的幾天我並不好過：我得了輕微的胃潰瘍，感覺很尷尬，也覺得格格不入。然而，第一個(ge) 周四晚上，這一切都開始改變了。每周四晚上，我們(men) 有“家庭會(hui) 議”，在這個(ge) 特別的周四，我們(men) 機器學習(xi) 班的一部分在一起工作，時間到了，我們(men) 要去食堂參加這個(ge) “家庭會(hui) 議”。老實說，一開始我們(men) 都很害怕，"我還有工作要做 "是最常見的一句話。後來我們(men) 才知道，"家庭會(hui) 議 "是一個(ge) 安全的空間，我們(men) 可以無所不談。今天的主題是 "在你的身份中，有什麽(me) 重要的東(dong) 西讓你與(yu) 眾(zhong) 不同？"但話題很快就發展到了更多方麵。大家談到了失去家人、在家裏被人冷落、對自己的身份感到不自在等等。很多人都敞開了心扉，講述了許多令人難以置信的個(ge) 人隱私，我很榮幸能得到大家這樣的信任。會(hui) 議結束時，房間裏充滿了同情和溫暖。

在我的餘(yu) 光中，我看到機器學習(xi) 班的同學伊茲(zi) （Izzy）急匆匆地跑回會(hui) 議室。我意識到事情有些不對勁。我本能地跟著她回到了我們(men) 工作的地方。Izzy 坐了下來，情緒立刻崩潰了，她開始訴說自己出了什麽(me) 問題，我們(men) 其他人也都圍了過來。我感覺胸口好像壓著一輛救護車，呼吸短促而急促。我害怕；害怕我的支持不夠好，害怕表現出我的關(guan) 心，害怕他們(men) 不關(guan) 心我。在這一瞬間，我所有的不安全感都浮出了水麵，有些甚至是我自己都不知道的。大家的支持和擁抱打破了低聲抽泣的沉寂。我們(men) 都開始分享自己的經曆，甚至是一些過去的創傷(shang) 。慢慢地，我胸中的重擔卸下了。我感到舒適，感到被需要，感到安全。

This is the first time I truly felt confident, empowered, and loved. I am surrounded by people smarter than me and I don't feel any lesser because of it. I have become the true Francisco, or Cisco as they call me. I now, at all times, am unapologetically myself. The difference is night and day. As the program progressed I only felt more comfortable and safe, enough so to even go up and speak at a family meeting. These people, this family, treated me right. I gained priceless confidence, social skills, self-worth, empathetic ability, and mental fortitude to take with me and grow on for the rest of my life. Through all of this somehow cutting out the biggest part of my diet became the least impactful part of my summer.

這是我第一次真正感到自信、強大和被愛。我周圍都是比我聰明的人，但我並不因此而感到自卑。我變成了真正的Francisco，或者他們(men) 叫我Cisco。現在的我，在任何時候都是毫無保留的自己。這種差別簡直是白天和黑夜。隨著項目的進展，我感到更加舒適和安全，甚至可以在家庭會(hui) 議上發言。這些人，這個(ge) 家庭，對我很好。我獲得了無價(jia) 的自信、社交技巧、自我價(jia) 值感、同理心和堅韌不拔的精神，這些都將伴隨我度過餘(yu) 生。在經曆了這一切之後，不知怎麽(me) 的，減少飲食中最大的一部分，反倒成了我暑假中影響最小的一部分。

招生官評語

Francisco's essay, "Three Days Before I Got on a Plane," describes his involvement in the Minority Introduction to Engineering and Science (MITES) program at M.I.T., which serves as the backdrop for his introspective voyage. The story starts with a seemingly minor decision—giving up milk for health reasons—but it soon turns into a metaphor for the life-changing events that transpire. The essay skillfully makes use of this internal transformation to set up a summer that would fundamentally alter Francisco's perception of himself and his interactions with others. He is first nervous about the MITES program because he anticipates a very competitive setting that would make him feel even more alone. The physical and psychological difficulties he encounters early in the program—such as minor stomach ulcers and a strong sense of alienation—reinforce this worry.

Francisco的文書(shu) 《上飛機前三天》描述了他參與(yu) 麻省理工學院少數族裔工程與(yu) 科學入門項目（MITES）的經曆，該項目是他自省之旅的背景。故事從(cong) 一個(ge) 看似微不足道的決(jue) 定開始--出於(yu) 健康原因放棄喝牛奶--但很快就變成了一個(ge) 隱喻，寓意著改變人生的事件接踵而至。這篇文章巧妙地利用了這一內(nei) 在轉變，為(wei) Francisco將從(cong) 根本上改變他對自己的認識以及與(yu) 他人的交往的夏天做了鋪墊。他一開始對 MITES 項目感到緊張，因為(wei) 他預計競爭(zheng) 會(hui) 非常激烈，會(hui) 讓他感到更加孤獨。他在項目初期遇到的生理和心理上的困難--比如輕微的胃潰瘍和強烈的疏離感--更加劇了他的擔憂。

But at the program's weekly "Family Meetings," which are meant to encourage candid conversation and support among members, the story takes a dramatic turn. Here is when Francisco undergoes a significant transformation. One meeting's theme, "what's something important about your identity that makes you unique?" expands into increasingly detailed, intimate revelations, turning the gathering into an environment of empathy and vulnerability. Francisco is extremely touched by the candor with which his peers have shared their personal issues, and this prompts him to reconsider how he approaches the program and his peers in general.

但是，在該計劃每周一次的 "家庭會(hui) 議 "上，故事發生了戲劇性的轉變。"家庭會(hui) 議 "的目的是鼓勵成員之間進行坦誠的交談並提供支持。Francisco在這裏發生了重大轉變。一次會(hui) 議的主題是 "你的身份中有什麽(me) 重要的東(dong) 西讓你與(yu) 眾(zhong) 不同？"會(hui) 議上，Francisco透露了越來越多的細節和隱私，將會(hui) 議變成了一個(ge) 充滿共鳴和溫馨的環境。Francisco對同齡人坦誠分享個(ge) 人問題深有感觸，這促使他重新考慮如何對待這個(ge) 項目和他的同齡人。

Francisco's essay does a fantastic job of illustrating how community and candid conversation can have a significant impact on personal development.

Francisco的文章出色地說明了社區和坦誠的談話如何對個(ge) 人發展產(chan) 生重大影響。

His experience serves as a testament to both the value of safe spaces in learning environments and the transformational potential of empathy. By the time the essay comes to an end, Francisco has grown as a person and acknowledges that he is now "the true Francisco," or "Cisco" as his friends call him. He highlights how this experience has given him the confidence to be authentically himself and has given him priceless social skills, self-worth, and emotional fortitude that he will use throughout his life.

他的經曆既證明了學習(xi) 環境中安全空間的價(jia) 值，也證明了換位思考的變革潛力。文章結束時，Francisco已經成長為(wei) 一個(ge) 真正的人，他承認自己現在是 "真正的Francisco"，朋友們(men) 都叫他 "Cisco"。他強調了這段經曆如何讓他有信心做真實的自己，並給了他無價(jia) 的社交技能、自我價(jia) 值和情感堅韌，他將終生受用。

Although Francisco's essay effectively recounts a transformative summer experience, it could be enhanced by the inclusion of additional personal details and background information to provide a more comprehensive understanding of his life and experiences. Valuable context could be provided by including specifications about his initial interest in engineering and science or his prior experiences with competitiveness. Expanding on how the MITES program influenced his long-term goals would further enhance the essay. Additionally, elaborating on his relationships with peers both before and after the program would offer a clearer picture of his social growth. These additional details would create a more complete and compelling narrative—presenting Francisco as a multifaceted individual.

盡管 Francisco 的文章有效地講述了一個(ge) 變革性的夏季經曆，但可以通過加入額外的個(ge) 人細節和背景信息來增強文章的可讀性，以便更全麵地了解他的生活和經曆。可以通過包括他對工程和科學的最初興(xing) 趣或他之前的競爭(zheng) 經曆來提供有價(jia) 值的背景信息。擴展 MITES 計劃如何影響他的長期目標將進一步增強文章的可讀性。此外，詳細說明他在計劃前後與(yu) 同齡人的關(guan) 係將更清楚地描繪出他的社交成長。這些額外的細節將創造一個(ge) 更完整、更引人注目的敘述——將 Francisco 呈現為(wei) 一個(ge) 多麵的個(ge) 體(ti) 。