美國頂尖名校錄取優秀/滿分文書範文及點評分享

美國院校申請必備材料：GPA（成績單）、語言成績（托福/雅思）、學術成績（本科：SAT/ACT；研究生：GRE/GMAT）、文書(shu) 。

GPA和語言成績、平均成績更加學術性，也不帶個(ge) 人色彩，文書(shu) 就不同了，它存在個(ge) 人發揮的空間，一份精彩的文書(shu) ，在一定程度上會(hui) 補齊你在標化成績的短板，得到名校招生官的青睞，實現彎道超車，拿到心儀(yi) 的offer。

美國各個(ge) 大學在招生過程中，傾(qing) 向於(yu) 收到什麽(me) 樣的文書(shu) 呢？

PS和SOP的區別

首先，我們(men) 需要區分PS和SOP的區別：Personal Statement （個(ge) 人陳述），簡稱PS；Statement of Purpose（動機函），簡稱SOP。

在申請過程中，很多中介機構大多數情況下會(hui) 將兩(liang) 者混為(wei) 一談。

其實，這兩(liang) 者可以理解為(wei) 兩(liang) 種不同風格的文書(shu) ，PS更注重申請人的個(ge) 性化，比如成長經曆、興(xing) 趣愛好，家庭情況，特長等；SOP中文可以翻譯成目的函，突出申請人的學術能力。

以加州大學洛杉磯分校對SOP的要求：

首先，加州大學洛杉磯分校的SOP，不同專(zhuan) 業(ye) 有不同的字數要求，並且，學校官方還給出了非常規範的SOP書(shu) 寫(xie) 模板。

◆ 你學習(xi) 的目的是什麽(me) ？

◆ 你為(wei) 了學習(xi) 該門課程都做了哪些準備？學到了哪些技能？最終得到了什麽(me) 非常具體(ti) 的結果？你在該領域有什麽(me) 潛力？

◆ 有沒有什麽(me) 額外補充的信息能證明你具備完成該課程的能力？

◆ 為(wei) 什麽(me) 你認為(wei) UCLA的這門課程是你的最佳選擇？

◆ 獲得這個(ge) 學位後，你的職業(ye) 規劃是什麽(me) ？

而對PS的要求，加州大學是這樣描述的：

■ 首先對於(yu) PS的文書(shu) 長度限製在500字以內(nei) ，使用1英寸邊框和12磅字體(ti) 。

■ 你曾經接受的教育、文化、經濟或者社會(hui) 經曆，有沒有哪些是能夠讓你在未來的領域中更加獨特？

■ 在成長過程中有沒有什麽(me) 遇到過什麽(me) 挫折？你是如何克服的？讓你堅持下去的動力是什麽(me) ？......

對比之下，PS的發揮空間明顯更靈活，更加注重個(ge) 人的個(ge) 性化展示；有的學校為(wei) 了篩選出心儀(yi) 的候選人，還會(hui) 出特定的話題，要求申請人圍繞特定的話題展開分享一段的見解。

有的學校隻要求學生提交其中一個(ge) ，但有的學校則要求兩(liang) 個(ge) 都提交。

SOP在撰寫(xie) 過程中的技巧就是套用官網的要求模板，按照學校的提問逐一回答。

關(guan) 於(yu) PS的技巧，每所學校都說是為(wei) 了展示學生的個(ge) 性，那不同的院校會(hui) 更傾(qing) 向於(yu) 招生什麽(me) 樣個(ge) 人特質的申請人呢？投遞材料前，做好攻略必不可缺！

美國熱門申請院校ps傾(qing) 向！

哈佛大學——開頭很重要

每年申請季過後，哈佛大學都會(hui) 在自己的校報網站上公布10篇左右的優(you) 秀文書(shu) ，並在文末配上招生官的精辟點評。 校報上還會(hui) 非常詳細地標注該文書(shu) 作者的背景，包括種族、性別、標化成績、主要課外活動（科研、論文）、獎項等各項內(nei) 容。

20年其中一篇

哈佛大學的招生官在點評中經常出現的一句是“申請人的文書(shu) 開頭......”可見，哈佛大學的招生官非常注重PS開頭是否能吸引他們(men) 繼續讀下去。

上述文書(shu) 對應點評

約翰霍普金斯大學——獨到的價(jia) 值觀和見解

約翰霍普金斯大學的本科生招生頁麵中，專(zhuan) 門設置了一個(ge) 欄目——Essays That Worked ，欄目中專(zhuan) 門收錄了最近5年的優(you) 秀文書(shu) ，JHU還非常細心地把這些文書(shu) 分門別類，製作了目錄；同時，這些文書(shu) 也附帶了招生官的點評。

2024屆優(you) 秀文書(shu) 展示頁麵：

https://apply.jhu.edu/essays-that-worked-2024/

Translating My Story Into Words

My eyes widen. “It’s all Greek to me,” I whisper under my breath. Sure enough, The Apology by Plato is in Greek.

My eyes dart across the page, looking for a word or phrase to grasp onto. Unable to find a familiar word, I take a deep breath. The Greek letters jumble into incoherent words and I am left to the mercy of an incomplete translation. I shake my head, unsure of what to do next. My eyes drag from one word to another, heavy with defeat. Upon the sixth word, however, they stop. My initial scan of the text left me negligent of a simple word meaning “number.” Passion overwhelms my senses. “Number” becomes the most important word of the clause, providing context to the adjacent words. I turn to the lexicon and search for words that fit into a coherent translation. With the last word, I feel satisfaction and pride. The whirlwind of emotions repeats: Confusion, passion, satisfaction. Before the bell rings, I finish translating 20 lines of The Apology.

I was fifteen when I successfully translated The Apology, and soon after, I fell in love with translation. Through translation, I learned the value of perseverance and hard work; it even helped me convey ideas in different mediums such as figure skating.

On a bright January morning, cold wind slapped against my face, chastising me for falling again. I stood up and brushed thin sheets of ice off of my knees. A shock of pain went through my body as I lightly touched a new bruise. I contemplated defeat. In the midst of choreographing my next program, I speculated the translation of music into skating. I yearned to convey every pitch and emotion in a visual performance, so I listened to Chopin once again and closed my eyes. Upon hearing the cadenza, I went back on the ice, picked up speed and turned my body. Leaping from the ground, I wrapped my arms around my torso and spun one, two, three times. My body descended and a sharp skid sounded the air. I smiled, waiting in anticipation for the next jump. That day, I translated every note into a jump until my body understood the music.

Translation has become my frame for viewing life and now I am using it to translate passion into activism.

In July 2018, part of my activism was conservation focused. Recognized as a Discovery Guide Leader, I was chosen to lead a Mugwort removal cleanup at Meadow Lake. The tedious logistical process of scheduling a time, obtaining a permit, and learning the proper removal process made July a strenuous month. Still seeking to translate my plan into action, I persevered with the importance of conservation in mind.

Finally, the day came. Twenty pairs of eyes watched me as I pointed out Mugwort along the shore. The hot sun hit my back as I pushed the shovel deeper in the soil. The ground released its hold on the plant and I picked it up by the stem. I walked throughout the shore and helped each person learn the proper removal technique. Together we were able to eliminate 4.2 pounds of Mugwort. I was proud of everyone and myself. I learned the benefits of conservation, translated that knowledge into a productive plan to remove an invasive species, and spread that knowledge by leading my eager group of volunteers.

Despite translating The Apology by Plato years ago, the lessons I learned from translation continue to thrive in my actions today. Just as I translated texts from Greek to English, I will convert more songs into programs, and I will change more plans into action. Although there are still many things in the world that are all Greek to me, I strive to learn and translate my knowledge into action that creates change.

對應文書(shu) 點評：

JHU其中一篇優(you) 秀文書(shu) 點評

JHU的文書(shu) 以及點評相較於(yu) 哈佛就非常輕鬆，招生官們(men) 在點評中會(hui) 更著重點評申請人的創新能力、接受到的獨到的價(jia) 值觀和見解、個(ge) 人興(xing) 趣的發展。

埃默裏大學——冒險精神&好奇心

埃默裏大學每年8月，會(hui) 在自己的招生博客Inside Emory Admission上分享5——6篇他們(men) 認為(wei) 很有價(jia) 值的申請文書(shu) ，附帶點評。

“D’oh!”
-Homer SimpsonI’m not a philosopher; eloquence eludes me, the meaning of life is unquestioned, and thinking, beyond what is required to carry out a potential, is postponed to a more leisurely time. I’ve experienced doubt, and proceeded with caution; and in my experience, I’ve learned to discard unnecessary thought and conventional wisdom in favor of progress. Philosophy amounts to nothing unless it results in action.“You’re kidding.” Scanning my schedule, my classmate shakes her head. “Why didn’t you take Dual Credit?” During Junior year, my high school began to incentivize Dual Credit courses with a GPA multiplier. Advertised to be less demanding than an AP class, Dual Credit was extolled as the wise man’s curriculum. So, mustering all the wisdom I had, I took 6 AP classes, and frankly, I enjoyed their depth. When it comes to education, I’m not cautious – and I’m prone to doubt. I just act. If I want chemistry, then I get chemistry; if I’m intrigued by psychology, then I pursue psychology. There is no point in pondering the inevitable; I am determined to take educational opportunities. I’ll judge the difficulty for myself after I complete it.The practice of prioritizing action has proved useful in my pursuits. In ninth grade, I could have doubted my capability; instead I ran for office in the school’s health club and earned a position in the eleventh grade. That year, there was a debate amongst the members over meeting schedules: if the Technology Students Association meeting coincided with ours, how would we attract new members? As the club officers weighed the costs and benefits amongst themselves, I left the meeting and signed up for the technology club, discussed an agreement, and voted for the technology club to move its meetings to the second half of lunch before scheduling the Health club meetings for the first half. Did it require thinking? No. Eloquence? Hardly. Contrary to the anticipated speeches and club-based patriotism, it only took clear action and a request to solve the conflict. Attendance increased, and as a bonus, I enjoyed a continued membership with both organizations.Beyond the sphere of public education, doubt-free determination facilitated my impact in the community. I am seventeen; I cannot vote in the upcoming elections. However, that does not mean I will hesitate to make a mark with my city. Small actions, from teaching addition to a church member’s kindergartener to tutoring three classmates for the SAT, matter in the long run. Can a teenage end world hunger? Doubtful; but by pulling weeds from the community garden, I can further progress one step at a time.

Not all actions end successfully. However, between cautious wisdom and failure, I choose action. I don’t fancy myself as wise; I’m not prone to doubt, nor am I perpetually cautious. I simply pursue my goal. As the wiser Homer has taught America, when torn between success and potential peril, one must simply “D’oh.”“D’oh!”
-Homer SimpsonI’m not a philosopher; eloquence eludes me, the meaning of life is unquestioned, and thinking, beyond what is required to carry out a potential, is postponed to a more leisurely time. I’ve experienced doubt, and proceeded with caution; and in my experience, I’ve learned to discard unnecessary thought and conventional wisdom in favor of progress. Philosophy amounts to nothing unless it results in action.“You’re kidding.” Scanning my schedule, my classmate shakes her head. “Why didn’t you take Dual Credit?” During Junior year, my high school began to incentivize Dual Credit courses with a GPA multiplier. Advertised to be less demanding than an AP class, Dual Credit was extolled as the wise man’s curriculum. So, mustering all the wisdom I had, I took 6 AP classes, and frankly, I enjoyed their depth. When it comes to education, I’m not cautious – and I’m prone to doubt. I just act. If I want chemistry, then I get chemistry; if I’m intrigued by psychology, then I pursue psychology. There is no point in pondering the inevitable; I am determined to take educational opportunities. I’ll judge the difficulty for myself after I complete it.The practice of prioritizing action has proved useful in my pursuits. In ninth grade, I could have doubted my capability; instead I ran for office in the school’s health club and earned a position in the eleventh grade. That year, there was a debate amongst the members over meeting schedules: if the Technology Students Association meeting coincided with ours, how would we attract new members? As the club officers weighed the costs and benefits amongst themselves, I left the meeting and signed up for the technology club, discussed an agreement, and voted for the technology club to move its meetings to the second half of lunch before scheduling the Health club meetings for the first half. Did it require thinking? No. Eloquence? Hardly. Contrary to the anticipated speeches and club-based patriotism, it only took clear action and a request to solve the conflict. Attendance increased, and as a bonus, I enjoyed a continued membership with both organizations.Beyond the sphere of public education, doubt-free determination facilitated my impact in the community. I am seventeen; I cannot vote in the upcoming elections. However, that does not mean I will hesitate to make a mark with my city. Small actions, from teaching addition to a church member’s kindergartener to tutoring three classmates for the SAT, matter in the long run. Can a teenage end world hunger? Doubtful; but by pulling weeds from the community garden, I can further progress one step at a time.Not all actions end successfully. However, between cautious wisdom and failure, I choose action. I don’t fancy myself as wise; I’m not prone to doubt, nor am I perpetually cautious. I simply pursue my goal. As the wiser Homer has taught America, when torn between success and potential peril, one must simply “D’oh.”

對應點評：

埃默裏大學優(you) 秀文書(shu) 展示頁麵：https://blog.emoryadmission.com/?s=personal+statement

埃默裏大學的招生官非常強調個(ge) 人是否具有冒險精神和強烈的好奇心。

雖然文書(shu) 的主要內(nei) 容是考察申請人的特質，但不同的院校偏好不同個(ge) 性的申請人，“投其所好”，就能利用文書(shu) 中的內(nei) 容，補齊自己在標化成績的短板；但不論如何，語言成績的門檻是不會(hui) 降低的，暑假是用來集中備考的最佳時間段~