好文書有沒有標準？哈佛優秀文書範文分享

好的文書(shu) 到底有沒有標準？

如果非要把這個(ge) 標準去量化的話，那自然是沒有的。但是，經曆過申請的人都知道，一篇文書(shu) 好與(yu) 不好，打眼一看就能略知一二。 可是真正好（且免費查閱）的文書(shu) 從(cong) 哪裏找呢？當申請季的你還在求學姐們(men) 要範文的時候，哈佛大學其實早就為(wei) 你們(men) 準備好啦！

《The Crimson》，也就是哈佛校報，每年都會(hui) 邀請哈佛新生分享自己的申請文書(shu) ，並從(cong) 中精選10篇最佳文書(shu) 進行點評發布。這些文書(shu) 雖然不能作為(wei) 你參考的標準，但是一定程度上代表了大學招生官所尋求錄取的學生的重要品質或特性，有非常高的參考價(jia) 值。

2022年申請季，10篇精彩的官方範文如期而至。在這篇文章裏，我們(men) 挑選了其中3篇風格不同的文章進行解析。

當然，你也可以從(cong) 以下鏈接看到全部範文，以及往年的範文。相信你讀得越多，越會(hui) 感知到一篇好的文書(shu) 究竟可以以怎樣的方式呈現。同時，你也能感受到，其實一篇好的文書(shu) ，真的沒有那麽(me) 的“高深莫測”。

? 10 Successful Harvard Application Essays | 2022

https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-2022/

(  第一篇 )

Playing it Dangerous

In hazy stillness, a sudden flurry of colored skirts, whispers of “Merde!” Sternly, my fingers smooth back my hair, although they know no loose strands will be found. My skin absorbs heat from stage lights above—if only that heat would seep into my brain, denature some proteins, and deactivate the neurons stressing me out. A warm hand, accompanied by an even warmer smile, interrupts my frenzied solitude. I glance up. My lovely teacher nods, coaxing my frozen lips into a thawed smile. A complex figure, filled in with doubt, yet finished with shades of confidence: My body takes its place and waits. One, two, three, four; two, two, three, four. On stage, the lights and music wash over me. Never having had a true ballet solo before, my lungs are one breath away from hyperventilating. Trying to achieve a Zen-like state, I imagine a field of daisies, yet my palms continue sweating disobediently. It’s not that I’ve never been on stage alone before; I’ve had plenty of piano recitals and competitions. Yet, while both performances consume my mind and soul, ballet demands complete commitment of my body. Gently slide into arabesque and lean downward; try not to fall flat on face—Mom’s videotaping. In terms of mentality, I would hardly be described as an introvert; yet, a fear of failure has still kept me from taking risks. Maybe I was scared of leaping too high, falling too far, and hitting the hard floor. As I moved up in the cutthroat world of dance, this fear only increased; the pressure of greater expectations and the specter of greater embarrassment had held me contained. Now, every single eyeball is on me. Lean extra in this pirouette; it’s more aesthetic. But is it always better to be safe than sorry? Glancing toward the wings, I see my teacher’s wild gesticulations: Stretch your arms out, she seems to mime, More! A genuine smile replaces one of forced enthusiasm; alone on the stage, this is my chance to shine. I breathe in the movements, forget each individual step. More than just imagining, but finally experiencing the jubilation of the music, I allow my splits to stretch across the stage and my steps to extend longer and longer, until I’m no longer safe and my heart is racing. Exhilarated and scared in the best way, I throw myself into my jumps. I no longer need to imagine scenes to get in the mood; the emotions are twirling and leaping within me. Reaching, stretching, grabbing, flinging ... My fear no longer shields me. I find my old passion for ballet, and remember the grace and poise that can nevertheless convey every color of emotion. Playing it safe will leave me part of the backdrop; only by taking risks can I step into the limelight. Maybe I’ll fall, but the rush is worth it. I’ll captain an all-male science bowl team, run a marathon, audition for a musical, and embrace the physical and intellectual elation of taking risks.

? 官方點評："Superbly written in a distinct narrative form, this essay crafts an experience that is vibrant, funny, deep, and relatable."

Lisa創造了一篇成功的文章，她通過創造性的描述性散文成功地喚起了讀者的真實情感，傳(chuan) 達了生動的形象、發自內(nei) 心的感受和健康的反省。我立刻把Lisa的寓言比作一隻被困在封閉的籠子裏的鳥；籠子比喻我們(men) 在生活中都要麵對的東(dong) 西，我們(men) 的恐懼。Lisa的第一次芭蕾獨舞被精彩地詮釋為(wei) 她的"Aha時刻"，她擺脫了恐懼，並通過仔細的自我反思，選擇了擁抱未來的風險。 在第1-3段中，Lisa通過她美麗(li) 、豐(feng) 富的語言和想象力瞬間吸引了我們(men) ，因為(wei) 她描繪了自己因壓力、對失敗和家庭/公眾(zhong) 意見的恐懼而無法動彈。我感同身受，想要了解更多。她溫暖的幽默感完美地閃耀著：想讓自己的大腦神經元停用，提醒自己不要臉朝下摔倒，以免被母親(qin) /家人責罵--做得很好！Lisa把她的"可愛的老師"作為(wei) 她的立足點、舒適區和支持者，這是一個(ge) 許多人都可以分享的主題。她的焦慮是可以理解的，她用這一點來解釋她普遍厭惡風險的天性。 在第4-5段中，Lisa的獨舞被描繪成她的決(jue) 定性時刻，她在那裏跳舞並實現了她的轉變--恐懼變成了激情和興(xing) 奮。在這一刻，她是運動的詩，微笑著，擺脫恐懼，像一杯溫暖的牛奶一樣擁抱風險。她提出了一個(ge) 尖銳的問題："但安全總是比遺憾好嗎？"通過反省，Lisa表達了她希望追求能促進她個(ge) 人發展的風險。她承認她不一定會(hui) 成功，但"這種衝(chong) 動是值得的"。Lisa最後舉(ju) 出了她將在大學裏從(cong) 事的領導角色和活動的具體(ti) 例子--招生官對渴望走出舒適區並在大學裏開始新的冒險/挑戰的學生有好感。為(wei) 了使這篇論文更有說服力，Lisa可以準確地強調她將如何解決(jue) 在大學新的障礙中可能出現的任何恐懼，並與(yu) 她在芭蕾舞中學到的教訓聯係起來。 這篇文章以獨特的敘事形式寫(xie) 出了一種充滿活力、有趣、深刻和可親(qin) 的體(ti) 驗。Lisa的品牌價(jia) 值無縫地貫穿於(yu) 文章中：創造力、決(jue) 心、克服障礙、自我反省、在風險中成長，當然還有激情。我們(men) 留下了一個(ge) 關(guan) 於(yu) 激勵的光輝課程，希望能擺脫這種負麵情緒，繼續前進並取得更大的成就--"Playing it Dangerous"。
(  第二篇 )

The missing toe

James was not fitting in with everyone else. During lunch, he sat alone, playing with his own toys. During group activities, the other campers always complained when paired with him. What was wrong? As camp counselor, I quietly observed his behavior—nothing out of the ordinary. I just couldn’t fathom why the other campers treated him like a pariah. After three days of ostracism, James broke down during a game of soccer. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he slumped off the field, head in his hands. I jogged toward him, my forehead creased with concern. Some campers loudly remarked, “Why is that creep crying?” Furious indignation leaped into my heart. They were the ones who “accidentally” bumped into him and called him “James the Freak.” It was their cruelty that caused his meltdown, and now they were mocking him for it. I sharply told them to keep their thoughts to themselves. I squatted beside James and asked him what was wrong. Grunting, he turned his back to me. I had to stop his tears, and I had to make him feel comfortable. So for the next hour, I talked about everything a seven-year-old boy might find interesting, from sports to Transformers. “I have a question,” I asked as James began to warm to me. I took a deep breath and dove right into the problem. “Why do the other campers exclude you?” Hesitantly, he took off his shoes and socks, and pointed at his left foot. One, two, three … four. He had four toes. We had gone swimming two days before: All the campers must have noticed. I remembered my childhood, when even the smallest abnormality—a bad haircut, a missing tooth—could cause others, including myself, to shrink away. I finally understood. But what could I do to help? I scoured my mind for the words to settle his demons. But nothing came to me. Impulsively, I hugged him—a gesture of intimacy we camp leaders were encouraged not to initiate, and an act I later discovered no friend had ever offered James before. Then, I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. I assured him that external features didn’t matter, and that as long as he was friendly, people would eventually come around. I listed successful individuals who had not been hindered by their abnormalities. And finally, I told him he would always be my favorite camper, regardless of whether he had two, five, or a hundred toes. On the last day of camp, I was jubilant—James was starting to fit in. Although the teasing had not completely disappeared, James was speaking up and making friends. And when, as we were saying our good-byes, James gave me one last hug and proclaimed that I was his “bestest friend in the whole wide world,” my heart swelled up. From my campers, I learned that working with children is simply awesome. And from James, I learned that a little love truly goes a long way.

? 官方點評：“Charles not only communicates that he cares deeply for others, but also displays his thought process for how he solves problems in general.”

Charles描述了普遍存在的對某些人的排斥，並解釋了他是如何與(yu) 之鬥爭(zheng) 的。在他作為(wei) 夏令營輔導員的個(ge) 人敘述中，Charles不僅(jin) 傳(chuan) 達了他對他人的深切關(guan) 懷，而且還展示了他如何解決(jue) 一般問題的思維過程。他沒有隻是宣稱這些個(ge) 人特征，而是通過個(ge) 人敘述來展示這些特征。以"展示"而非"講述"的尖銳決(jue) 定是一種優(you) 秀的文章策略。 首先，Charles以他對情況的描述開始。他的語氣很隨意，也很直白。他融入了關(guan) 鍵的細節，但他的寫(xie) 作並不多餘(yu) 。他的文章簡明扼要，易於(yu) 理解。雖然這種方法似乎缺乏複雜性，但它反映了查爾的原始、真實的想法。讀者可以感受到他的關(guan) 切；Charles帶領我們(men) 走過他真正的困境。此外，他所描述的善意行為(wei) ——鼓舞人心的談話、擁抱——提供了對他性格的洞察力。納入這些細節的決(jue) 定將Charles描繪成一個(ge) 善良、聰明的人，在任何大學校園裏都是有價(jia) 值的。 此外，Charles不僅(jin) 僅(jin) 描述了他是如何解決(jue) 這個(ge) 特殊問題的，而且還將其擴展到一般的生活。他從(cong) 一個(ge) 看似平凡的經曆中把握住了意義(yi) ，並解釋了它是如何改變他的整個(ge) 心態的。這種自覺成長的能力表明，Charles有動力從(cong) 所有的生活中學習(xi) ；他是一個(ge) 不僅(jin) 僅(jin) 在課堂上的學生。

(  第三篇 ) Homeless for‍Thirteen Years

I sat on my parents’ bed weeping with my head resting on my knees. “Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to show me the house and then take it away from me?” Hopelessly, I found myself praying to God realizing it was my last resort. For years, my family and I found ourselves moving from country to country in hopes of a better future. Factors, such as war and lack of academic opportunities, led my parents to pack their bags and embark on a new journey for our family around the world. Our arduous journey first began in Kuçovë, Albania, then Athens, Greece, and then eventually, Boston, Massachusetts. Throughout those years, although my family always had a roof over our heads, I never had a place I could call “home.” That night that I prayed to God, my mind raced back to the night I was clicking the delete button on my e-mails, but suddenly stopped when I came upon a listing of the house. It was September 22, 2007 —eight years exactly to the day that my family and I had moved to the United States. Instantly, I knew that it was fate that was bringing this house to me. I remembered visiting that yellow house the next day with my parents and falling in love with it. However, I also remembered the heartbreaking phones call I received later on that week saying that the owners had chosen another family’s offer. A week after I had prayed to God, I had given up any hopes of my family buying the house. One day after school, I unlocked the door to our one-bedroom apartment and walked over to the telephones only to see it flashing a red light. I clicked PLAY and unexpectedly heard the voice of our real estate agent. “Eda!” she said joyfully. “The deal fell through with the other family—the house is yours! Call me back immediately to get started on the papers.” For a moment, I stood agape and kept replaying the words in my head. Was this really happening to me? Was my dream of owning a home finally coming true? Over the month of November, I spent my days going to school and immediately rushing home to make phones calls. Although my parents were not fluent enough in English to communicate with the bank and real estate agent, I knew that I was not going to allow this obstacle to hinder my dream of helping to purchase a home for my family. Thus, unlike a typical thirteen-year-old girl’s conversations, my phones calls did not involve the mention of makeup, shoes, or boys. Instead, my conversations were composed of terms, such as “fixed-rate mortgages,” “preapprovals,” and “down payments.” Nevertheless, I was determined to help purchase this home after thirteen years of feeling embarrassed from living in a one-bedroom apartment. No longer was I going to experience feelings of humiliation from not being able to host sleepovers with my friends or from not being able to gossip with girls in school about who had the prettiest room color. I had been homeless for the first thirteen years of my life. Although I will never be able to fully repay my parents for all of their sacrifices, the least I could do was to help find them a home that they could call their own—and that year, I did. To me, a home means more than the general conception of “four walls and a roof.” A home is a place filled with memories and laughter from my family. No matter where my future may lead me, I know that if at times I feel alone, I will always have a yellow home with my family inside waiting for me.

? 官方點評：“By being so honest, Eda showcases her genuine growth and maturity over time.”

誠實的。令人心碎。有力的。這是讀完Eda的文章後首先想到的三個(ge) 詞。 我們(men) 喜歡Eda的文章的原因是其令人耳目一新的脆弱性。太多的大學論文是 "太 "完美的圖片。Eda沒有審查真相，即使承認她的內(nei) 心想法可能會(hui) 給她帶來負麵的影響。例如，她以她在父母床上哭泣的場景開始整個(ge) 文章，將她的不幸歸咎於(yu) 他們(men) 。通過如此坦誠，Eda展示了她隨著時間推移的真正成長和成熟。 在整個(ge) 文章中，她的個(ge) 人聲音也很強烈。當她談到愛上"那座黃房子"時，我們(men) 的腦海中就會(hui) 自動浮現出這所房子的形象。當她說到她在得知"那座黃房子"被賣給另一個(ge) 家庭後所經曆的心碎，我們(men) 也感到心中的痛苦。她特意選擇為(wei) 我們(men) "播放"她收到的語音郵件，並包括她隨後的內(nei) 心想法，進一步將我們(men) 拉到與(yu) 她一起重溫她的旅程。 然而，她不僅(jin) 僅(jin) 是告訴我們(men) 她的旅程。她強調了她的旅程是多麽(me) 的非典型。她沒有享受關(guan) 於(yu) 化妝品或鞋子的電話交談，而是與(yu) 經紀人談論固定利率抵押貸款和首付......所有這些都是在13歲的時候。雖然她沒有明確說明這一點（她不需要）：很明顯，Eda不得不快速成長，因此成為(wei) 一個(ge) 更強大的個(ge) 體(ti) 。 她對"家"這個(ge) 詞的理解從(cong) 頭頂上的物理屋頂發展到更抽象的理解。家是她"記憶和笑聲"存在的地方。最後，她接受了她父母所做的犧牲。學會(hui) 為(wei) 自己的成長經曆感到驕傲，展示了Eda的進化。 Eda是一個(ge) 會(hui) 克服任何挑戰的人，使她成為(wei) 一個(ge) 強有力的大學申請者。

? |    後 記 | ‍

不知看過這些範文後的你會(hui) 作何感想？ 做了這麽(me) 多年文書(shu) 輔導工作，也經曆過不勝枚舉(ju) 的低分高錄的結果（可以視為(wei) 文書(shu) 起到了讓學生脫穎而出的作用），但我們(men) 仍不認為(wei) 把文書(shu) 寫(xie) 得出彩就等同於(yu) 為(wei) 你開啟錄取的大門。俗話說得好，打鐵還需自身硬。

我們(men) 常建議學生在準備好硬實力的同時不要忽略了文書(shu) 的重要性；但反過來講，我們(men) 也不能期望單靠文書(shu) 來實現逆風翻盤。

錄取本身就是一個(ge) 玄學的、綜合的、理性結合感性的東(dong) 西。隻點睛不畫龍，其實也沒什麽(me) 意義(yi) 。隻有做到各方麵不偏不倚，才能期待這一筆“點睛”真正起到“畫龍點睛”的作用，不是嘛？