UC招生官偏愛的文書是什麽樣的？

在之前的文章裏，老師和大家一起盤了最新的UC顧問大會(hui) 上發布的招生變化，以及各校區的申請Tips。

在UC各校的申請資料審查中，「文書(shu) 」都被評為(wei) 是「非常重要」的考核因素。弄清招生官的喜好、避開雷區，就成了我們(men) 在申請的最後階段要衝(chong) 刺的重要任務之一。

貼心的UC早就清楚了大家的疑問，與(yu) 這份招生變化一同發布了最新的官方申請例文及招生官點評。今天就讓我們(men) 一起看看，UC招生官偏愛的文書(shu) 是什麽(me) 樣的…

在探究和總結招生官偏好的一般規律前，我們(men) 先來看幾個(ge) 典型的案例。不妨把自己帶入招生官的角色，看看這些例文好在哪裏，又在哪方麵有欠缺。

反麵教材一

Question：

Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.

Answer：

I've danced along the poverty line my whole life. The soothing melodies from a mother to her child as they drifted to sleep were mere dreams; realities you'd only see in the movies. Life was based on survival; sink or swim, one might say. Struggling to stay afloat in this ocean of a world, I quickly recognized that a comfortable life is a luxury that stands far out of my grasp. Being forced out of touch with my infantile dreams and forced to come to grips with my reality brought along one of my greatest attributes: my fortitude. Living as the product of an immigrant mother and lower class father, my aspirations oftentimes felt out of my reach. My tolerance for the harsh world grew involuntarily; I was born into destitution, facing life's hardest battles was inevitable. The countless sleepless nights my parents spent in order to keep a roof over our head demonstrated their mettle to my younger self, a mettle I had to endow myself with too.

Just like the pale skin and singular dimple I inherited from my mother, I endeavored to grasp her strength. Both in and out of the classroom, I've possessed a deeper spirit than a great number of my peers due to the hardships I've faced. While it's difficult to stray away from the fixed mindset that tells me I cannot afford a better future, I pave the way for the life I've always dreamed of through my education. My exceptional tenacity encouraged me to take advanced placement courses that offer an advantage at a higher educational level. The extravagance of maintaining the successful life my parents could not afford excites me. Persevering through the austerity towards the sophisticated, serene lifestyle showcases my drive. Although I learned to survive off of the crumbs of society, the faith I hold for myself and my education push me closer to the elixir of the rapturous life I plan to lead.

招生官點評：

看得出本文的作者是想表達盡管自己出身貧寒，但麵對生活的苦難和折磨依舊保持著樂(le) 觀向上的心態，並努力學習(xi) ，提高自己。

但文中隻是簡單地提到了Ta有著克服困難的毅力和決(jue) 心，並沒有展開講述申請者采取了哪些行動、做了哪些努力，即如何克服困難的。此外文章的篇幅有限，申請者卻把大量的篇章浪費在創意寫(xie) 作上——對文風和結構的關(guan) 注遠遠超出了內(nei) 容本身。

而且，盡管作者在靠後部分提到了自己曾參加過一些大學預科課程，但也隻是一帶而過，沒有詳細論述Ta是如何利用這些課程提高自己的。

反麵教材二

Question：

What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

Answer：

It is a strange and enduring task, to watch something rot. When faced with rot in its most literal form, it can be a bit overwhelming. The smell will crawl up your nose and down your throat, sitting there long after you've scrubbed yourself clean. Touch any part of something decomposing and your fingers will come away dark, sticky, and wet. After working with dead animals, I've learned that more important than a strong stomach, is patience. To reap what you want from decay, you must be willing to work at its pace, and I've always abided by "good things come to those who wait." I wait in a park where my parents shuffle to explain to my brother and I that they're getting divorced. My brother is too young to understand, but I do.

I wait outside of the divorce counseling where they sift through their rot and try to make sense of it, and I wait as they try to start over with new people and that too, decays. This observation teaches me the initial patience.I linger at the kitchen table, watching my father cook and wondering when the Alzheimer's will come. I imagine the decay beginning now, now, now. The decay is so slow that sometimes I accelerate it and imagine him already dead.

Then I force myself to rewind and grapple with the inevitable entropy as it happens. Despite my frustration, this slow rot gives me practice to accept the things I can't change. I pace around my grandparent's lemon tree, stubbornly clinging to life in the neglected garden. Its refusal to decompose interests me, enough to spend a year on its revival. I learn there is rot, but also rebirth. I learn that it's not enough to just endure the decay in my life, I must embrace the rebirth that comes after, even if I'm afraid of the change. But as I enjoy my lemon harvest, I don't think it's so scary after all. My good things have taken longer to come than most, but I wait for them dutifully, faithfully, and ever patiently.

招生官點評：

這是一個(ge) 讓學生描寫(xie) 自己的天賦或技能的問題。本文作者運用了大量的隱喻，文章的描述性很強。 但讀完全文會(hui) 發現，很難讓人獲取細節信心，且找不到文中各個(ge) 例子之間的聯係。作者寫(xie) 了很多生活中麵臨(lin) 的難題，以及他們(men) 對作者的影響，但如果能更精煉的話，文章的表達將會(hui) 更加清晰易懂。

優(you) 秀範例

Question：

Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.

Answer：

In 2020, I founded an underwater robotics team in my garage. We invited friends from school and the math circle we ran. Some members had no experience with robotics and others had lots of experience so I taught them by helping everyone build a land robot. In our second year, I reached out to more people in the community and grew our team from 10 to 22 members across 10 schools. We had seniors to middle schoolers on the team. I promoted returning members to lead the hardware, testing, and documentation teams. I led the software team where I taught Python, setting up Raspberry Pi computers, and streaming cameras. My mom knew someone whose nephew recently immigrated from Mexico and wanted to learn about robotics.

I invited him to join the team and I walked him through setting up the robot. Now he teaches others how to set it up. When I give individual attention, people develop useful skills and pass those skills onto others.On the competition day, we didn't tighten our electronics chamber and water shorted our entire electronics system! But we didn't mourn, we got straight to problem solving. The hardware leader unplugged and unscrewed the parts. I tested the computers and told members to grab working parts from last year's robot.

My CoCEO calmed the team. In the middle of the repairs, we gave an award winning 15-minute engineering presentation to judges.

We miraculously got the robot working in time for our second pool run and we placed third! I learned that to be an effective leader, I need to understand every team member's strengths and weaknesses. The hardware leader annoyed me because he started building without planning and made avoidable mistakes. But I appreciated his instant problem solving when we needed to rapidly rebuild our robot. Now that I know what he is good at, I can give him appropriate roles for his talents. I am using what I've learned to lead our team effectively by giving everyone the chance to use their best skills.

招生官點評：

這篇文章最突出的地方在於(yu) ：細節，細節，還是細節！通過團隊人數、團隊的分工、以及大家在麵對突發狀況時的反應，清楚地描述了一個(ge) 真實存在的項目。 此外，他們(men) 麵對突發狀況的應變能力（解決(jue) 浸水電子設備的問題）以及對多樣性問題的關(guan) 注（他們(men) 向新移民傳(chuan) 授了關(guan) 於(yu) 機器人技術），都能夠讓人看到申請者的領導能力，很好地切中題目要點。

老師說：

在UC的申請中，申請者需要從(cong) 學校給出的八個(ge) 問題中選四個(ge) 進行作答。每個(ge) 問題之間沒有優(you) 劣之分，而是通過對問題的回答來為(wei) 招生官提供更多關(guan) 於(yu) 申請人的信息。

在UC招生官的眼中，好的個(ge) 人文書(shu) 各有各的不同，但總的來說它們(men) 都具有以下三個(ge) 特點：

• 重點是對學生的影響和/或他們(men) 對他人的影響

• 將自我置於(yu) 回應的中心

• 提供具體(ti) 示例

那麽(me) 與(yu) 之對應的減分項就是：

• 沒有提供太多與(yu) 學生經曆有關(guan) 的背景信息

• 更注重結構而非內(nei) 容

• 以他人的敘述而非自己的敘述為(wei) 中心

• 為(wei) 了描述困難而強行給自己製造困難

在掌握了回答問題的正確打開方式之後，我們(men) 也要注重對內(nei) 容的把控。UC官方也強調過，盡管各校區使用的是同一套評價(jia) 體(ti) 係，但會(hui) 有各自所看重的因素。

老師曾對UC各校公開的CDS進行統計：

*3分表示非常重要；2分表示“重要”；1分表示“考慮”；0分表示完全不考慮。

尤其是在「才能/能力」和「品格/個(ge) 人特質」這兩(liang) 項上，各校區的差異較大：UCR完全不考慮個(ge) 人特質，UCI則是非常看重才能和能力。不過總的來說，這兩(liang) 項的重要程度基本都排進了前五，這也提醒我們(men) 要在文書(shu) 、活動中展現出與(yu) 學校相契合的獨特魅力才能脫穎而出。

機構曾經拿到UCB、UCD、UCSB三校offer的P同學就很注重突出自己的個(ge) 人優(you) 勢。

P同學-UCB、UCSB、UCD社會(hui) 學方向

申請背景：標化未提交/GPA Weighted 4.37；佐治亞(ya) 美高

獲獎：CTB團隊二等獎杜克數學會(hui) 議團隊三等獎、個(ge) 人二等獎SJW寫(xie) 作比賽二等獎

主要活動：學校女生數學社團創始人、學校Tour Guide團隊成員、學校Senior Prefect成員、貧困知識科普視頻賬號運營

在對自己的性格和過往經曆進行分析後，Ta將申請展示的重點放在了自己優(you) 秀的領導力上。通過創辦數學社團、協助老師管理新生宿舍等活動經曆來讓招生官看到自己的危機應對能力、溝通能力等。

在寫(xie) 文書(shu) 時，P同學談到了自己失敗的鋼琴學習(xi) 經曆，因為(wei) 沒有音樂(le) 天賦而最終選擇放棄鋼琴轉戰架子鼓，並通過對節奏精確的把握而獲得成功。這件事也讓Ta學到了：提出深思熟慮之後的放棄，也許也是一種好的決(jue) 定，並不是所有時候都得無腦堅持向前衝(chong) 。人們(men) 的天賦會(hui) 體(ti) 現在不一樣的地方，沒有必要一定去追尋不適合自己的東(dong) 西。

代入UC招生官視角來看，不難發現P同學的論述中心在自己，且展現出了自己的成長和變化，這不正是符合我們(men) 前麵提到的加分文書(shu) 的樣子嗎？