留學申請搞笑文書分享！

申請季過半，相信大家在和文書(shu) 的鬥智鬥勇中逐漸疲憊。

這不，貼心的我們(men) 找來幾篇史上最爛文書(shu) ，讓大家重獲自信心，反內(nei) 卷從(cong) 我們(men) 做起！

究竟有哪些文書(shu) 套路讓招生官看了窒息呢？讓我們(men) 一起來避避雷吧！

1、「不走尋常路」文書(shu)

我是申請人。你是招生官。錄我吧。

I am applicant.

You are admission officer.

Please let me in.

點評

每年都會(hui) 有學生因為(wei) 文書(shu) 太有創意了被牛校錄取了，但上麵這篇文章隻能說是玩尬的。

我曾聽過兩(liang) 個(ge) 美本申請的文書(shu) 段子。哈佛大學曾有篇文書(shu) 題叫：請在100字以內(nei) 定義(yi) 什麽(me) 叫“勇氣”？一男生直接寫(xie) ：Go Yale！後來他被哈佛錄了。

另一個(ge) 段子是斯坦福大學曾經有個(ge) 文書(shu) 題讓申請者用幾百字形容一下自己的性格。一學生人狠話不多，來了一句：Concise. 然後被錄了。

大前提是你得優(you) 秀到人家可以不care你的文書(shu) 就錄你，且你的創意真的很有範兒(er) 。

2、「同義(yi) 詞」文書(shu)

我希望在學校獲得理解力，因此閱讀書(shu) 卷是我的首要任務。我的化身是幸福的，因為(wei) 我正在披露新的氛圍和精髓模式。這種閃亮的轉移通過澄清緩解了所有的弊病和困惑。而這就是我的結局：解釋利用是我的熱情所在。

I cherish to acquire comprehension in school, thus perusing volumes is my preoccupation. My incarnation is blithesome because I am disclosing new atmospheres and modes of quintessence. This scintillating diversion alleviates all malaises and obfuscations through elucidation. Whereas herein lies my denouement: construing utilization is my zeal.

點評

看似雲(yun) 了什麽(me) ，實際上什麽(me) 都沒說明白。通篇都是用生僻詞堆出來的文章，太難讀了！招生官很難對這種文章產(chan) 生共情，更別說被你吸引，給你發Offer了。

這讓我想起來，以前有個(ge) 學生文書(shu) 開頭一上來寫(xie) “I have promiscuous interest”，他想表達的是“我有很多興(xing) 趣愛好”，但又不想讓文書(shu) 看起來太簡單，於(yu) 是就從(cong) 同義(yi) 詞替換了個(ge) “promiscuous”。問題來了，這個(ge) 詞還有個(ge) 意思是“淫亂(luan) 的”，這文章一讀就變味了，你懂吧？

大家寫(xie) 文書(shu) ，不要機械地用同義(yi) 詞替換，以為(wei) 這樣能讓文章看起來更高級。有時候，文字回歸簡單質樸，反而能傳(chuan) 遞更真誠的力量。保險起見，找個(ge) 英語好的人幫你排一下雷吧。

3、「小哭包」文書(shu)

我的生活從(cong) 來都不容易。我在很小的時候出生了，並立即陷入了困境。我本應有的4.9GPA，在我的無數次掙紮中，不出意料地變成了1.7分。

一切都始於(yu) 一個(ge) 生日禮物——AirPods。不幸的是，我在新的AirPods 3上市前一周收到了它們(men) ，每個(ge) 人都注意到我的舊型號的AirPods，說我破產(chan) 了。親(qin) 愛的讀者，唯一破碎的是我的心。我甚至無法用我的型號激活Siri。然而，我振作了起來，繼續向前邁進。

下一個(ge) 障礙擊碎了我的夢想。長期以來，我想當Instagram網紅開啟成功的職業(ye) 生涯。當我滿懷希望，心提到嗓子眼兒(er) ，發了一張自拍。令我震驚的是，它隻收到了3個(ge) 讚。這對我的精神造成了不可挽回的傷(shang) 害，此後我一直在努力應對。顯然，我得把注意力放到更大的問題上，學校作業(ye) 不得不放一邊了。

My life was never easy. I was born at a very young age, and was immediately plunged into hardship. I should have had a 4.9 GPA, however my numerous struggles have understandably resulted in my 1.7 GPA.

It all started with a birthday gift of AirPods. Unfortunately I received them just a week before the new AirPods 3 came out and everyone noticed my old-model AirPods and called me broke. Dear reader, the only thing broke was my heart. I couldn't even activate Siri with my model. However, I dusted myself off and trudged onwards.

The next obstacle would be the one to shoot down my dreams. I had long hoped to launch a successful career as an Instagram influencer. With high hopes and my heart in my throat, I posted a selfie. To my horror, it received a measly 3 likes. This has wounded my spirit irreparably and I have since been struggling to cope. Obviously schoolwork has had to wait while I turn my attention to dealing with my greater problems.

點評

顯然，這篇文書(shu) 是為(wei) 了搞笑瞎寫(xie) 的，從(cong) 遣詞造句中我們(men) 看出，作者隱藏了自己的真實水平。無獨有偶，這篇文章多少反映了這一類特定的「負麵題材」的文書(shu) ，除了抱怨以外，沒有對自己的經曆作出任何反思。

那麽(me) 如果你有負麵的經曆，該怎麽(me) 寫(xie) 好它呢？我們(men) 過去寫(xie) 過一篇文章，手把手教你如何寫(xie) 創傷(shang) 、困難和挑戰類的文書(shu) ，感興(xing) 趣的翻翻看吧！

4、「過分細節」文書(shu)

早上6點35分，我醒來，看著我牆壁上的淡紫色色調——不完全是藍色，不完全是粉色，深深地吸了一口氣。如果我的房間是時鍾，我的衣櫃上方3點鍾方向有一張元素周期表的海報，9點鍾方向下在我書(shu) 桌右側(ce) 有一張世界地圖，11點鍾方向有一張我從(cong) 事癌症研究的證書(shu) 。當我起床時，我感受到我門上的白色油漆和我的米色地毯的柔軟絨毛。今天是個(ge) 寒冷的日子，大約65華氏度或18.3333攝氏度。我穿上蓬鬆的綠色冬季夾克和鮮紅的尼克斯鞋，走到外麵開裂的灰色人行道上。我一邊走，一邊瞥見一隻棕色的小鬆鼠飛快地穿過長長的黑色電線。很快就到了上學的時間，在那裏我將用知識填滿我好奇的頭腦，並運用我豐(feng) 富的觀察能力。

At 6:35 am, I wake up and look at the lavender shade of my walls - not quite blue, not quite pink - and breathe in deeply. If my room were a clock, I have a periodic table poster above my closet at 3 o'clock, a world map slightly to the right of my desk at 9 o'clock, and a certificate for my work in cancer research at 11 o'clock. As I get up, I am aware of the white paint on my door and the soft fluff of my beige rug. Today is a cold day, about 65 degrees Fahrenheit or 18.3333 degrees Celsius. I slip on my puffy green winter jacket and my bright red Nikes and step outside onto the cracked gray sidewalk. As I walk, I glance at a small brown squirrel darting across the long black power line. Soon it is time for school, where I will fill my inquisitive mind with knowledge and apply my bountiful observational skills.

點評

廢話太多，言之無物。美本申請文書(shu) 的字數都有嚴(yan) 格限製，要求你用最簡約的表達來講故事、表觀點。這邊建議挑重點來寫(xie) 。

5、「誌願者」文書(shu)

通過在____國家的服務之旅，我了解到幫助他人是一件好事。這使我認識到，服務他人是我的愛好。這就是為(wei) 什麽(me) 我想成為(wei) 醫生/律師/計算機程序員，成為(wei) 幫助他人的完美人選。當我參與(yu) 到2500美元的暑期項目，來到一個(ge) 較貧窮的國家時，我開始懷念我在矽穀社區的幹淨街道。但我和當地的孩子們(men) 合影，跟著我的旅行團到處走，現在我知道獻身於(yu) 服務意味著什麽(me) 。有趣的是：我去____國家是為(wei) 了幫助別人，但我不知道的是，他們(men) 已經幫助了我。由於(yu) 我在____國家度過的五天，我變得更有愛心、更有意識、更謙虛了。這些是我將帶入芝加哥大學校園的品質。

Through my service trip to [INSERT COUNTRY HERE], I learned that helping others is good. This led to the realization that service is my passion. That is why I will be perfect for helping others by being a doctor/lawyer/CS programmer. As soon as I arrived in a poorer country with my $2,500 summer program, I started to miss the clean streets of my Silicon Valley neighborhood. But I took pictures with local children and followed my tour group around, so now I know just what it means to dedicate oneself to service. Here's the funny thing: I went to [INSERT COUNTRY HERE] to help others, but what I didn't know is that they had helped me. Due to the five days that I spent in [INSERT COUNTRY HERE] I have become more caring and aware and humble. These are all qualities that I will bring to the UC hicago campus.

點評

這是一篇平平無奇的誌願者文章。這類題材我們(men) 不太推薦，因為(wei) 它已被寫(xie) 爛了，很難寫(xie) 出新意來。如果你有獨特的經曆和角度，能寫(xie) 出眼前一亮的東(dong) 西，如果誌願者體(ti) 驗給你的人生觀、價(jia) 值觀帶來了巨大影響，你還是可以寫(xie) 的。隻不過寫(xie) 好的難度很大，慎選。

6、「運動受傷(shang) 」文書(shu)

那是大賽的日子。我一生都在為(wei) 那天在球場上的比賽做準備。當我和隊員們(men) 一起跑熱身圈時，汗水順著我的臉龐低滴落。突然間，我感到腿部一陣可怕的疼痛，我意識到我的腳趾被絆倒了。“不！” 我喘著氣說，“不要在大賽那天！”

教練鄭重地看著我。“你的職業(ye) 生涯已經結束了，"他說。"你現在不能參加比賽了。”

突然，他的電話響了。他拿起電話，皺起了眉頭，神情凝重：“哦，不！我們(men) 的明星球員剛剛得了流感，不能上場了。現在我們(men) 沒有足夠的球員參加大比賽。我們(men) 將不得不放棄。”

一股腎上腺素在我的血管中流淌。“不，我們(men) 不會(hui) 的，”我堅決(jue) 地站起來，說道，“我要上場。”

教練敬畏地看著我。

那場比賽，我打出了前所未有的表現，為(wei) 了球隊在痛苦中奮戰。盡管我的腳趾有難以想象的疼痛，但我還是找到了自己的力量，打進了製勝的一球。當我把金色的獎杯舉(ju) 過頭頂時，我自豪地意識到，是我的努力讓我走到了今天。因為(wei) ，正如亞(ya) 伯拉罕·林肯常說的，勝利者永遠不會(hui) 放棄。

It was the day of the big game. I had been preparing my whole life to play on that field that day. Sweat dripped down my face as I ran the warm up laps with my team. Suddenly I felt a horrible pain in my leg and I realized that I had stubbed my toe. "NO!" I gasped. "Not on the day of the big game!"

Coach looked solemnly at me. "Your career is over," he said. "You can't play in the big game now."

Suddenly his phones rang. He picked it up and frowned with concern. "Oh no! Our star player has just come down with the flu and won't be able to play. Now we don't have enough players for the big game. We're going to have to forfeit."

A burst of adrenaline coursed through my veins. "No, we won't," I said, standing up resolutely. "I'm going to play."

Coach looked at me in awe.

That game I played like I had never played before, fighting through my agony for the team. Despite the unimaginable pain of my toe, I found it in me to score the winning goal. As I held the golden trophy above my head, I proudly realized that my hard work had gotten me here. Because, as Abraham Lincoln always said, winners never quit.

點評

看似氣勢恢宏，實則味同嚼蠟，內(nei) 核很空虛。除了展現遇到困難不放棄的品質外，沒什麽(me) 讓人眼前一亮的點。況且運動受傷(shang) 的題材太老套了，這邊建議重新選題，回爐重造。

搞笑歸搞笑，這些誇張的敘事影射了申請者經常犯的錯誤。

很多時候，我們(men) 費盡心思寫(xie) 出的文章可能隻是一個(ge) 人的狂歡，感動了自己卻打動不了別人。最好的辦法還是找個(ge) 英語好的朋友或導師幫你把把關(guan) ，給點專(zhuan) 業(ye) 意見～