四篇2023年達茅文書分享

今天打得開這一篇的人，值了。以後打得開這篇的人，賺了。

因為(wei) ，這篇要寫(xie) 的官方新鮮出爐的達茅文書(shu) 。我收集了90年、500篇成功的美本文書(shu) 。其中哈斯普耶芝麻杜賓霍範加密齊全，但就是還缺幾篇達茅的樣本。

也不是我沒見過號稱達茅的文書(shu) ，隻是從(cong) 那些self-claimed達茅文書(shu) 裏，我還沒看到過好得能讓我跳腳兒(er) 的。所以，在那本每年更新的《文書(shu) 六講》裏，我一直沒選到一篇達茅。今天我跳腳了。

因為(wei) 上個(ge) 月，達茅招辦首次出版了一本《50 Dartmouth Essays That Worked》。這本書(shu) 現在上線亞(ya) 馬遜，Paperback $13.99 / Kindle $9.99。但是，在等書(shu) 之際，我們(men) 不妨先讀為(wei) 快，品品Sample四篇的Environment/Nature主題文書(shu) 。

【達茅AO編注】

這四篇論文都涉及到自然和環境主題，著重於(yu) 特定的地點或經曆，創造性地描述有意義(yi) 的個(ge) 人時刻。對於(yu) 這四篇中的每一篇來說，都有獨特的主題，且在處理主題上的方式各不相同。從(cong) 在阿拉斯加徒步旅行，到在威斯康星州生活，這些文書(shu) 描繪了作者對於(yu) 自己或他人的獨特觀察能力和成長經驗。

這些文書(shu) 中的一個(ge) 共同特點，是它們(men) 將自然或環境作為(wei) 討論另一興(xing) 趣熱情的基礎。例如，第三篇寫(xie) 了對解決(jue) 物理問題的熱愛，將其比作學會(hui) 享受具有挑戰性的旅程，這是在Messer Pond 度過的時間裏得出的結論。另外，第四篇將對獵菌的觀察與(yu) 祖先和加泰羅尼亞(ya) 人為(wei) 獨立而鬥爭(zheng) 聯係起來。

這些文書(shu) 都靠著引人入勝的開篇來吸引讀者進入故事。一句醒目的開篇句至關(guan) 重要，能吸引讀者並在整篇閱讀中持續吸引他們(men) 。第一句也需暗示著故事中的關(guan) 鍵的信息。一個(ge) 環境為(wei) 中心的文書(shu) 故事，通過在自然中的經曆，創造性地表達了作者的熱情和個(ge) 性。

下麵是第一篇，《A Wild Summer Cleared My Eyes》

We danced on the top of the mountain. My hands filled with jellybeans, I bounced around with the four girls I was spending my summer with. I looked about, memorizing the astonishing landscape that expanded before me. Ridgelines stretched into the distance, turning blue as they faded into the faraway horizon.

It was day 32 of a 45-day backpacking expedition through the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in northern Alaska, an experience I had dreamt about since I was nine. That day, we needed to move from one river valley to another, crossing a ridge along the way. After planning our trek, we began our journey upward. The sun shone, and lighthearted conversation soon filled the air. But just beyond a gentle curve, the grassy terrain turned to loose stones. The gradual slope disappeared, replaced with a steep mountain face. Alarmed, I called out to my leader, gesturing toward the towering ridge in front of us. "Are we going over that?" She turned to look at me, replying, "Yes, we are," before continuing to walk. Cautiously, I followed.

The ground began to slide beneath us, causing upward progress to slow as we carefully chose where to step. I looked back down the slope, realizing that one misstep would send me sliding down the mountain. As we continued, the wind picked up, and a layer of grey covered the previously blue sky. I felt something sting my face and looked up. Small hailstones began falling, and the patter of ice against my hood became the only sound I heard. A lump rose in my throat as tears prickled in the comers of my eyes. Already terrified, the evolving weather only added to my unease. All eyes turned toward our leader, as we questioned the safety of continuing up the mountain. "We have to get over it," she shouted, struggling to be heard over the swirling wind. Facing the ridge, she resumed the slow, deliberate trek upward. Taking a deep breath, I followed, keeping my gaze focused on the ground. Conversation ceased as we zigzagged up the slope, each person concentrating on their footing. As we climbed higher and higher, my fears began to multiply.

A month earlier, my thoughts, often occupied with worst-case scenarioses, would have been consumed with these fears. When looking at the world I live in, I seemed to see only hate, violence, and inequality. This perspective weighed on me. I wasn't able to appreciate happiness because I was fixated on finding things that were wrong with my life and the world. Then I went to Alaska, and everything changed. I began to see the beauty the world has to offer. It wasn't only the beauty of the mountains and caribou; I began to notice the beauty in rainstorms and impossible climbs. Instead of only allowing myself to see the darkness in the world, I slowly opened my eyes to the goodness of people, and the happiness spending time with others could bring. When looking at that slope, I saw more than loose rock and a nearing storm; I saw an opportunity to test my limits and strengthen the bonds within my group. I felt hopeful.

It seemed like we had been climbing for an eternity when the slope began to level. I raised my head, a smile crawling across my face. The ground in front of us was flat, the valleys behind the ridgeline opening up before us. We cheered and began to dance around. A new wave of energy filled the air, with peals of laughter soaring above the gusting wind. We had survived the ascent.

Someone grabbed a bag of jellybeans, and we took handfuls of the well-deserved treat. Despite the still-developing weather and the idea of a steep descent looming over us, we took time to celebrate on what seemed like the top of the world. We made it, so we danced.

【老師評一】

文章的開頭和結尾都很精彩，一句“dance on top of the mountain”把讀者幹脆利落地拉進故事。作者對風景和經曆的描述也生動，讓讀者感覺身臨(lin) 其境。像“Ridgelines stretched into the distance, turning blue as they faded into the faraway horizon”這樣的句子，畫麵感十足，很有感染力。

“Small hailstones”和“ patter of ice”之後， “a lump rose in my throat as tears prickled in the comers of my eyes”以既視的恐懼，來設置閱讀懸念。筆頭此刻突然轉向月前的對比，引出“ridgeline opening up”和“new wave of energy”，征服wilderness的希望和喜悅。情感旅程，讓閱讀產(chan) 生共鳴。

最後，“so we danced”呼應開篇，讓故事更加豐(feng) 富有趣。 這篇的敘述雖然流暢生動，但還是不乏需要改進之處。稍微調整一下過渡和一些小的語法錯誤，文章會(hui) 更加引人入勝。比如，開篇的句子，仍可縮減“We danced atop the mountain”。另外，"A lump rose in my throat as tears prickled in the comers of my eyes"，可以改成"A lump rose in my throat, tears pricking the corners of my eyes"。還有，從(cong) 爬山轉換到心理反思的部分，顯得生硬，中間需要加個(ge) 過度句就更順暢了。

好吧，我承認，這隻是還不錯的一篇，談不上很好。敘述上來講，不足比哈佛文書(shu) 的起承轉合。從(cong) 主題上來講，沒有哈佛文書(shu) 的那種壓人兩(liang) 頭的價(jia) 值觀。

但是，這篇所表現的，是一個(ge) 真實的teenager的真實的生活和成長，沒有哈佛文書(shu) 裏明顯的“拔苗助長”感吧。這是讓我喜歡這篇的原因。 精彩，還在後頭。

第二篇，《Parents, Teachers, and Places that Shaped Me》

Am I a product of my environment? My first instinct is to say yes, how could l not be? My parents raised me to compost everything possible-and I mean everything-while growing up in Wisconsin. l grew up burning wood, eating fresh food from our garden, and spending my time reading and exploring outside. My mom, a math teacher, taught me good studying habits and encouraged an interest in learning. My dad, a self-taught wood timber framer, built every house I lived in and showed me how anything can be accomplished if one is willing to learn about it. My mentors and teachers provided me with opportunities I would have not even known about without them.

Yet, as much as l attribute my success to my coaches, parents, and hometown, l have not become passive clay in their hands. I have made choices that, while influenced by my upbringing, are entirely my own, and I have learned lessons from my choices I never would have.

When I was sixteen, l traveled by myself to Spain and Germany for a month to visit two foreign exchange students my family hosted. l traveled on my own to the Catalonian region of Spain to learn the culture, practice and expand my knowledge of the Spanish language, and learn some Catalan. I also was interested to see if I could handle being a foreign exchange student myself. I visited Munich in Germany and learned more about German culture. From this trip, l learned that I was not ready to be a foreign exchange student as a high school student-instead, we hosted a Norwegian student last year- and now, I am eager to study abroad in college.

This past spring, I applied to go on a sailing trip around Isle Royale on Lake Superior. In June, I departed with the captain, his wife, and five other high school students from Minnesota and Wisconsin. On the trip, we learned about the effects of climate change on the lake, the relationship between wolves and moose on Isle Royale, and how to sail. This trip inspired me to live with purpose and awareness of the consequences of our actions on the world. This trip closed the circle between my upbringing- my parents' choices- and my own will and crystallized my purpose. My first action was to organize a group of kids from my town to skip school on International Climate Strike Day to attend a rally in Duluth.

Five years ago, my parents chose to move to Ely to be near the Boundary Waters wilderness area. This was uprooting our lives and leaving the farming community we knew and loved. We have settled in and built our house, this time with flush toilets. We have become less sustainable in my opinion, purely for the want of comfort, and while I was disappointed, we did not install solar panels, moving to Ely brought opportunities to me that were not available where we lived before. The school has a cross country team and a Nordic ski team. l had learned to ski from my grandma on our 40-acre property on ungroomed trails, which I loved. So, the thought of having a ski racing team was a dream come true. I quickly learned the new techniques and became successful at racing. I met my friends for the rest of high school on that team. Even though my family has always skied, it was my choice to join the team and ski competitively, which became a passion and a lifestyle.

There is no doubt that I have been shaped and supported by my parents, my teachers, and the places I have lived and visited. But l feel I have chosen paths both inspired by them, yet ultimately made by me. I am now excited to begin making my mark on the world.

【老師評二】

這篇給我的讀感，就是簡單地喜歡。讀完再想想，可能有三點突出的地方：豐(feng) 富的經曆、新鮮的反思、明確的自我意識。本文從(cong) 家庭環境開始，到獨自旅行，再到大湖航行，既豐(feng) 富了故事，也表現了個(ge) 人能力的成長。作者對於(yu) 自我的反思深刻，特別是反思中完成選擇和經曆成長。

文章的結構上讀起來顯得雜亂(luan) ，從(cong) 家庭環境，到德西旅行，到大湖Sailing，再回到搬家Ely，從(cong) 時間和空間上，看似沒有明顯合理的順序。但這淺淺的意識流寫(xie) 法，正是這篇大學文書(shu) 的有趣之處。這讓讀者能在沒有設置故事懸念的條件下，隻好帶著一種不可調和的糾結感，一直體(ti) 會(hui) 得到下一處文字的新鮮之處。 雖屬意識流的風格，文字上並非隨意即可。

本文有些句子還可更精煉、提高語感力度。比如開篇處，“Am I a product of my environment? My first instinct is to say yes, how could l not be?”可以直接縮減成“Am I a product of my environment?” 接下來，“My parents raised me to compost everything possible-and I mean everything-while growing up in Wisconsin”，也可以縮減成“My parents raised me to compost everything possible-and I mean everything”。

第四段，“When I was sixteen, l traveled by myself to Spain and Germany for a month to visit two foreign exchange students my family hosted”顯得很囉嗦。可以改成，“At sixteen，l traveled two months alone to visit Spanish and German exchange students hosted by my family”。

第六段，“There is no doubt that I have been shaped and supported by my parents, my teachers, and the places I have lived and visited”可以改成“My parents, teachers, and the places I have lived and visited have shaped me”。

第三篇，《Red Cabin Taught Me Race》

They say home is where the heart is, and while my body is in Abington, Pennsylvania, my heart is always 350 miles north, tucked away in a rustic, red cabin along the shore of Messer Pond. As I memorize endless lists of Spanish verbs, revise dozens of rhetorical analysis essays, and calculate countless derivatives, my personal Walden is never far from my mind.

While I feel an emotional attachment to this cabin, its presence has also catalyzed an awakening within me. My daily life feels like a sprint with a finish line constantly moving farther away. An initial 100-yard dash lengthens into a 3-mile jog, which extends into a marathon. I ace a calculus test; I lose a field hockey game. I pass my driving test; I don't make varsity. Each success comes with its respective failure, yet I run faster. This cycle continues, and I increase my relentless, exhausting pace, only pausing when I recall my experiences at Messer Pond.

However hectic my schedule is, I always feel a sense of peace and fulfillment at the cabin. Whether I am kayaking, hiking, or swimming, I focus on the journey, not the finish line. Motivated by the cadence of the earth, I reach my destination: the neighbor's dock; the mountain's summit; the pond's island. In contrast to the cacophony of deadlines, commitments, and schedules, nature's rhythms are steady, calculated. Each beat complements another, creating a symphony of wind gusts, pond ripples, and dragonfly wings. The tempo shifts from easygoing to explorative to enigmatic, and I enjoy every verse.

The melody becomes more contemplative at night as I stare at the constellations and infinite galaxy above me. These stars, light years away, form animals, heroes, utensils. It is not my infinitesimal existence that occupies my mind as I gaze at this integral of the universe. Rather, in these moments, my perspective broadens. As I take in this tapestry, its all-encompassing nature amazes me. It contains every disagreement, from an argument between siblings to a battle between world powers; every birth, from a screaming baby to a newly independent nation; every brilliant mind, from Tolstoy to Newton. When a vast world offers so much to learn and experience, why should my inconsequential marathon occupy my mind?

Although I realize how minimal my existence is in this tapestry of the universe, I still want my thread to stand out. I must transform my beige strand into a golden fiber that illuminates and strengthens the fabric. I must continue my marathon. I must sprint every mile. I must persevere, not to achieve glorious recognition, but to create consequential change.

However, the cabin has taught me to focus beyond the finish line-I'm not sure if the finish line even exists. I now run to nature's pace, driven by the wind shaking the tree branches and the determined buzzing of worker bees. After adopting this new perspective, I am finally able to appreciate each moment. While this change did not happen all at once, I gradually found myself enjoying classes instead of feeling held captive by school bells and deadlines. An English assignment is a chance to explore interpretations of dystopia, not an item on my to-do list. Physics class is a time to enjoy problem-solving, not to focus on memorizing formulas. Each day brings a new viewpoint; an additional thread comes into focus as I appreciate more and more of the mysterious tapestry.

I hope to one day admire this work in all its glory, but I realize that thought is naive- the tapestry will never fully emerge from the shadows. Just as I will continue to learn and grow, the universe will evolve. I cannot learn everything or understand every perspective; I'll never finish this race. Yet, the journey is so enjoyable that I appreciate its endless essence.

Mile after mile, the marathon persists, and I'm finally glad to be running.

【老師評三】

打開這篇首段，讀到Spanish verbs，rhetorical analysis, derivatives，你肯定想到了那兩(liang) 篇同樣捆綁著classroom subjects的哈佛文《Backyard four corners》和《Colors of everything》，都是帶著係列的比喻捆綁。但這篇《Cabin》的classroom subjects不用喻，而是硬綁。這種感覺，初來是突兀，漸漸卻又真實。

無論誰在木屋裏學習(xi) 的時候，腦子裏都不會(hui) 想到什麽(me) 成係列的比喻。 第二段，讀到success and failure交互的時候，這篇Cabin文的最突出的優(you) 點，就開始顯現了，a sprint with a moving finish line。

如今的每個(ge) 高中生，還有正在讀著這篇的AO，誰都能感受到這裏的真實情緒。在名校長的research paper和名校生的business plan都是造假的年代，真實算不算個(ge) 赤裸裸的優(you) 點？你說吧！

第三段，主題“focus beyond the finish line”出現。Beyond Finish Line，這就是成長，一個(ge) 每個(ge) 人都有的成長。但很少有人敢於(yu) 直接拿它來表達自己。在一個(ge) 到處是別人琳琅滿目的finish line的環境裏，能有這份beyond自信的不多吧？聽熟了的“友誼第一、比賽第二”邏輯你，這裏讀不出耳中起繭的虛偽(wei) 。

後麵的段落，各自認真讀讀吧。這篇裏，figurative language有，但不必多說了。 如果要改，開篇“They say home is where the heart is, and while my body is in Abington, Pennsylvania, my heart is always 350 miles north, tucked away in a rustic, red cabin along the shore of Messer Pond”太長了，改成“My body is in Abington, Pennsylvania, but my heart is always in a rustic, red cabin, tucked 350 miles north ashore Messer Pond”。

最後一篇，《Mushroom in Network》

The first rule of mushroom hunting is that if you are unsure about something, don't eat it. It is better to live another day wondering whether that mushroom is edible than to know immediately that it isn't. The second rule of mushroom hunting, which is much harder to learn, is that everything is connected. Underneath the forest floor, for years, tree roots and their corresponding fungal mycelia have grown, merged, and developed in a vast symbiotic network. Understanding these subterranean connections is vital to a successful hunt, but their significance extends far beyond the confines of the woods. Everything, including myself, is a confluence of connections, overlapping threads. This interconnectedness of life has become the essence of my values in scientific inquiry and social advocacy that form the mycelial fabric of my identity.

A single hyphal strand travels for miles in any direction, interacting, exploring. In the Boston Harbor Islands, my boots fill with seawater as I chisel away at the lichens on the intertidal rock. Their skewed distribution hints at the old refuse of the city nearby dumped into the wat er decades ago. This intersection, between a mushroom hunter and expired public policies, is unique, but the unifying connection is not. We ignore fungi, yet they reflect the state of the natural world.

Fungal mycorrhizae share their nutrients with plant roots. Millions attach to a single tree, providing necessities like nitrogen and phosphorus in exchange for sugar. They are the backbone of the biosesphere, yet they occupy the background of our thoughts. At the Massachusetts State House, I stand before an audience of legislators and activists alike. I testify, bringing my experience of the fungal Kingdom, and propose state recognition of these organisms upon which we all depend. Fungi receive consideration and appreciation: a mycorrhizal connection.

Trace backward through this linkage eight years and find an origin: a spore germinates.

"Avi, mira!" I shouted to my grandfather from the needle-laden ground, a beige button protruding from the earth in front of my face.

"El cep," he replied, "Boletus edulis." It is a good find: the transient sum of infinite parts, of cooperation between the surrounding hemlocks and the fungal threads underneath. I am perplexed, bewildered: the most excited I have ever been. He provided a window into the inner workings of the woods; I will never stop looking through.

He continued, branching off on another path. In Catalonia, over centuries of cultural oppression under Spain, mushrooms (bolets), and mushroom hunters (boletaires), have been embedded in Catalan myth, culture, and the fabric of the land. Beyond the control of monarchs or dictators, fungi perfectly parallel a language and tradition forced underground.

Now I stand in Boston common among those who share this ancestry. We wave the Estelada and chant, but thousands of miles away, our brethren are beaten and imprisoned for "sedition." I sit alone in the Farlow Herbarium, a global collection of fungi and lichens. Halfway around the world, the streets remain full of protest. I cannot be there to defend the independence of the Catalan people and nation, but I can push to preserve the mycological aspects of its culture. My work for independence and my advocacy for fungi are fused, dikaryotic, joint in cause: elucidating the unseen, the neglected.

In nature, singularity fades, and the collective emerges in its place. From fungi to people, we all exist within networks: each a convergence of imperceptible relationship.

【老師評四】

從(cong) 蘑菇到人類，“we all exist within networks”。這什麽(me) 主題，我見過嗎？沒。這就是我讀完這篇的感受。因為(wei) 它讓我curious，所以我對它interested。 開篇一大段，用133 words來講mushroom的知識。

這麽(me) 寫(xie) 的文書(shu) ，很少有閱讀感覺好的。不考慮我已經知道這篇是達茅成功文書(shu) 的hindsight，這麽(me) 寫(xie) 文書(shu) 能成功需要有兩(liang) 個(ge) 條件：一是寫(xie) 的內(nei) 容要新鮮、有趣，二是讀這篇的人要有時間和心情。做得到第一點，靠你的寫(xie) 作能力；做到第二點，多少要看你的運氣了。 像這篇這樣的好開篇，我還有親(qin) 身的經曆。她是我今年的文書(shu) 生E。

一開始她寫(xie) 了六篇文書(shu) ，分別是關(guan) 於(yu) 環境、海洋、多元文化、社會(hui) 活動、社區、藝術的主題。我對她的文書(shu) 重新做了“編劇”，把海洋、環境和社會(hui) 活動的故事重編成一個(ge) 主題故事。那一篇的開篇段，用了E在Caribbean shark上的真實經曆，與(yu) 本篇的mushroom hunting異曲同工之妙。

E今年也收到了達茅錄取。我的文書(shu) ，版權都屬於(yu) 學生，他們(men) 的大學四年裏，我暫不能拿來分享。 下一個(ge) 重要概念“人”的引出，這篇故事的設計是值得學習(xi) 的。“They are the backbone of the biosesphere, yet they occupy the background of our thoughts”，這句transition是有技術含量的、意識流寫(xie) 法。接著Mass State House的，是作者蘑菇興(xing) 趣的origin即祖父。

接著，從(cong) 祖父順滑到Catalan，接著是兩(liang) 段、152 words的混合主題，把蘑菇和加泰蘭(lan) 人兩(liang) 個(ge) 看似無關(guan) 的概念，出其不意地聯係在一起。這，還是意識流。

倒數第二段，讓敘述順滑回fungi和Boston，這不僅(jin) 給主題一個(ge) 清晰的總結，還給故事的結尾一個(ge) 呼應篇首的設計。很棒！ 最後一段，“each a convergence of imperceptible relationship”是這篇點睛之筆，幹淨、直接。這篇，算是四篇裏寫(xie) 得最好的一篇。

【老師的總結】

讀完四篇，我的總結如下。 第一，達茅招人，比如今的哈佛招的人更真實。這就是我比較哈佛和達茅2023文書(shu) 的直接感受。其實，哈佛和斯坦福的2023-24裏，我也感覺到真實的人數正在增長、superman的人數卻在減少，隻是這趨勢暫時從(cong) 海外生源裏還不明顯。

第二，達茅招人，跟如今的哈佛招的人一樣好筆頭。他們(men) 的narrative筆頭都相當熟練，對於(yu) figurative語言的把握和意識流式概念轉換，都手到擒來的自然。特別是意識流narrative，是值得中國學生好好學習(xi) 的。

要把文書(shu) 從(cong) 你們(men) 習(xi) 慣的說明進化到敘事，意識流是一個(ge) 最佳的學習(xi) 途徑。 想學習(xi) 這個(ge) narrative寫(xie) 作技巧的人，可以反複研讀Joan Didion的《Slouching Towards Bethlehem》，也可以來找我上文書(shu) 課。

《Slouching Towards Bethlehem》真的好，我當年就是反複聽它之後學會(hui) 英文寫(xie) 作的。對，我說的是反複。直到今天，我想好好寫(xie) 一篇英文的時候，也會(hui) 拿出這篇Didion的經典來再聽一遍。