三篇優秀哈佛文書分享

每年英美頂尖大學放榜，關(guan) 於(yu) “什麽(me) 樣的孩子才能讀藤校”這類的問題，還是會(hui) 引發很多討論與(yu) 思考。哈佛大學的校報《深紅》（thecrimson），最近選出一些哈佛錄取學生的優(you) 秀文書(shu) ，作為(wei) 範例展示，並給出點評。《看教育》也從(cong) 中選出三篇不同方向申請的文書(shu) ，以雙語方式分享給讀者。文書(shu) 隻是載體(ti) ，從(cong) 文書(shu) 中體(ti) 現出來的思考能力與(yu) 情感表達，是其中非常值得一看的內(nei) 核。

範例一：如魚離水

@Michelle如魚離水，一個(ge) 成語，指的是一個(ge) 人處於(yu) 一個(ge) 不自然的環境中；完全不適應。十歲時，父親(qin) 告訴我我們(men) 要搬到一個(ge) 叫“Eely-noise”的地方。屏幕上的藍光閃爍著，他通過滑動穀歌地球跨過6000英裏的水域尋找我們(men) 的新家。

滑動，滑動，再滑動，它出現了：伊利諾伊州，這個(ge) 州的名字我後來才知道。搬到美國就像從(cong) 淡水進入鹽水。不僅(jin) 我的媽媽抱怨美國食物太鹹，我也無助地被困在語言的“河口”，被時態、冠詞和同音異義(yi) 詞的“浪潮”不斷衝(chong) 擊。這種情境下，我發展出一種強烈而令人窒息的渴望，現在我才意識到這是我的聲音和自我表達。

因為(wei) 我唯一的英語背景是“Konglish”——韓語和英語的不健康混合體(ti) ——以及我從(cong) 《海綿寶寶》中學到的零碎短語。所以，當我走進美國的第一堂課時，我意識到了情況的嚴(yan) 重性：我不得不借助笨拙的手勢，或者我委婉稱之為(wei) 肢體(ti) 語言，來傳(chuan) 達最簡單的信息。學校的生活變成了一個(ge) 無盡的猜謎遊戲。

在令人眩暈的元音和音素的海洋中，唯一有意義(yi) 的是圖片和圖表。必然地，我很快對生物學產(chan) 生了興(xing) 趣，因為(wei) 它的教科書(shu) 圖文比例最高。盡管我不能理解所有像螞蟻一樣的說明文字，但豐(feng) 富多彩的圖表足以吸引我的注意力：綠色球體(ti) 的食糜沿著消化道滾下，ATP合酶的轉子像水車一樣旋轉。生物學以其對英語語言學習(xi) 者友好的方式吸引著我。

後來我在生物學中了解到，當淡水魚進入鹽水中時，它進行會(hui) 滲透調節——多喝水，少排尿。這正適用於(yu) 描述我曾經的學校生活，在學校我不斷地喝水來填補尷尬的沉默並潤滑我的舌頭以形成更好的元音。這個(ge) 習(xi) 慣卻反過來成為(wei) 了英語口語和膀胱的雙重控製考驗：因為(wei) 擔心如何提問，我不斷地錯過上廁所的時機。

我唯一能夠表達自己的方式是通過我的手指，在德彪西的樂(le) 譜之間，在我的鉛筆尖下。為(wei) 了滿足我的自我表達和交流需求，我學習(xi) 了古典音樂(le) 、視覺藝術，後來還有創意寫(xie) 作。直到今天，我永遠不會(hui) 忘記當我演繹協奏曲、完成雕塑、以此找到我無法發音的美麗(li) 詞匯時那種難以言喻的興(xing) 奮。如果生物學幫助我理解，那麽(me) 是藝術幫助我被理解。

藝術和生物學都具有人性、同情心，甚至是救贖性。雖然它們(men) 對我來說是幫助我適應英語和新家的工具，但它們(men) 連接和治愈人們(men) 的力量遠不止我所舉(ju) 的例子。

在大學及以後，我想通過投身科學研究、參加義(yi) 演音樂(le) 會(hui) 或簡單地分享藝術之美來回饋社會(hui) 。有時候，語言會(hui) 讓我感到難以把控。但當我知道有東(dong) 西超越了語言，這讓我有了根基和靈感。最終我學會(hui) 了英語，但我仍然以同樣或許普遍的緊迫性和真誠追求生物學和藝術：去理解和被理解。

多年來，我已經開始承認並喜愛我內(nei) 心的那條魚，那個(ge) 困惑、結巴和思鄉(xiang) 的ELL孩子將永遠在我內(nei) 心共存。我原諒了英語，因為(wei) 它每天都賦予了我新的熱情，盡管我還是不能正確發音“rural”。現在，當我看到和我過去一樣喘著氣尋找家鄉(xiang) 水的孩子時，別擔心，我想告訴他們(men) 。

你會(hui) 找到你的“水”。

點評：Michelle的散文為(wei) 讀者提供了一段生動而詼諧的旅程，通過“如魚離水”的成語，巧妙地將他們(men) 對生物學和藝術的熱情與(yu) 他們(men) 逐漸掌握英語的鬥爭(zheng) 聯係起來。

Michelle以坦率而經常幽默的方式描述了日常生活中的語言挑戰，從(cong) 最初依靠“笨拙的手勢”表示想去洗手間，到在找到新的美麗(li) 的表達詞匯時“難以言喻的興(xing) 奮”，展示了Michelle最終成長為(wei) 一個(ge) 能夠完全掌握英語的作家。

Michelle對音樂(le) 、藝術到生物學的多樣熱情在這篇散文中得到了充分展示，但最令人印象深刻的是Michelle對適應美國生活和文化過程的細膩和內(nei) 省的記錄。

顯然，Michelle真心熱愛寫(xie) 作，喜歡找到合適的詞匯來表達他們(men) 的想法，展示了他們(men) 的堅韌和對學習(xi) 的喜愛。Michelle作為(wei) 一個(ge) 作家和藝術家成長的真誠熱情貫穿了整篇散文，帶有溫暖和幽默，感染力十足。

以下是英文原文——

@Michelle

Fish Out of Water.idiom. a person who is in an unnatural environment; completely out of place.When I was ten, my dad told me we were moving to somewhere called "Eely-noise." The screen flashed blue as he scrolled through 6000 miles of water on Google Earth to find our new home. Swipe, swipe, swipe, and there it was: Illinois, as I later learned.Moving to America was like going from freshwater into saltwater.

Not only did my mom complain that American food was too salty, but I was helplessly caught in an estuary of languages, swept by daunting tides of tenses, articles, and homonyms. It’s not a surprise that I developed an intense, breathless kind of thirst for what I now realize is my voice and self-expression.

This made sense because the only background I had in English was “Konglish”--an unhealthy hybrid of Korean and English--and broken phrases I picked up from SpongeBob. As soon as I stepped into my first class in America, I realized the gravity of the situation: I had to resort to clumsy pantomimes, or what I euphemistically called body language, to convey the simplest messages. School became an unending game of pictionary.

Amid the dizzying pool of vowels and phonesmes and idioms (why does spilling beans end friendships?), the only thing that made sense was pictures and diagrams. Necessarily, I soon became interested in biology as its textbook had the highest picture-to-text ratio.

Although I didn’t understand all the ant-like captions, the colorful diagrams were enough to catch my illiterate attention: a green ball of chyme rolling down the digestive tract, the rotor of the ATP synthase spinning like a waterwheel. Biology drew me with its ELL-friendliness and never let go.I later learned in biology that when a freshwater fish goes in saltwater, it osmoregulates--it drinks a lot of water and urinates less.

This used to hold true for my school day, when I constantly chugged water to fill awkward silences and lubricate my tongue to form better vowels. This habit in turn became a test of English-speaking and bladder control: I constantly missed the timing to go to the bathroom by worrying about how to ask.

The only times I could express myself were through my fingers, between the pages of Debussy and under my pencil tip. To fulfill my need for self-expression and communication, I took up classical music, visual art, and later, creative writing. To this day, I will never forget the ineffable excitement when I delivered a concerto, finished a sculpture, and found beautiful words that I could not pronounce.

If biology helped me understand, art helped me be understood.There’s something human, empathetic, even redemptive about both art and biology. While they helped me reconcile with English and my new home, their power to connect and heal people is much bigger than my example alone.

In college and beyond, I want to pay them forward, whether by dedicating myself to scientific research, performing in benefit concerts, or simply sharing the beauty of the arts. Sometimes, language feels slippery like fish on my tongue. But knowing that there are things that transcend language grounds and inspires me.

English seeped into my tongue eventually, but I still pursue biology and arts with the same, perhaps universal, exigency and sincerity: to understand and to be understood.Over the years, I have come to acknowledge and adore my inner fish, that confused, tongue-twisted and home-sick ELL kid from the other side of the world, which will forever coexist within me.

And I’ve forgiven English, although I still can’t pronounce words like “rural,” because it gifted me with new passions to look forward to every day. Now, when I see kids with the same breathless look that I used to have gasping for home water, Don’t worry, I want to tell them.You’ll find your water.

範例二：餅幹賭博

@Daniella每次我烘焙餅幹，它們(men) 出爐的樣子都不盡相同。黃油、糖、雞蛋、麵粉——我精確測量，用力攪拌，然後將烤箱設定在375°F。食譜是例行公事，卻絕不多餘(yu) 。一場暴風雪讓我隻能呆在室內(nei) ，除了一個(ge) 攪拌器和滿滿一儲(chu) 藏室的基礎食材外，我無所事事。我先是做了第一爐餅幹：一盤熱氣騰騰的巧克力塊餅幹，它們(men) 入口即化的小碎片安慰了我被困在雪中的心靈。然而，如此完美的描述掩蓋了我混亂(luan) 的過程。實際上，我的方法是隨意而隨意的，那次的餅幹是一種美味的偶然，從(cong) 此無法複製。

我之後製作的每一批餅幹都是一場賭博。餅幹會(hui) 不會(hui) 變扁，變得脆？或者保持圓頂形狀，濕潤？我是一個(ge) 糟糕的烘焙師，還是它們(men) 本質上就變化無常？即使有一本滿是建議的食譜書(shu) ，我也永遠無法找出我的錯誤所在。餅幹反複無常，脾氣暴躁。烘焙它們(men) 就像是在雞蛋殼上行走——我有一個(ge) 空的雞蛋盒證明這一點。

也許，新手的運氣一直都是秘密成分。然而，好奇心讓我不斷翻到食譜書(shu) 的同一頁。我沉迷於(yu) 完善餅幹的製作過程，不是因為(wei) 看到食材結合成麵糊的機械滿足感，而是因為(wei) 這簡單過程中的奇跡。它的不一致性令人著迷。畢竟，這是一個(ge) 嚴(yan) 格的食譜，相同的食材以相同的排列組合。怎麽(me) 可能這樣正統的步驟產(chan) 生如此激進、不可預測的結果？

化學解釋了一些烘焙過程中出現的異常。例如，僅(jin) 僅(jin) 多出半撮的小蘇打就能對麵團的氣泡產(chan) 生驚人的影響。廚房成了我的實驗室：我像科學家一樣記錄每一次嚐試；我買(mai) 了一個(ge) 秤以進行更精確的測量；我還從(cong) 圖書(shu) 館借了《食物與(yu) 烹飪：廚房的科學與(yu) 傳(chuan) 說》一書(shu) 。但都無濟於(yu) 事——變量拒絕以任何形式達到平衡。

然後我像鋼琴家一樣解決(jue) 問題，采納我的老師在我樂(le) 譜邊緣寫(xie) 的建議，並將其傾(qing) 注到混合碗中。鍵盤上有88個(ge) 音調，食譜中有十幾種食材。要創造出狂想曲般的甜點，我需要理解所有的旋律和和聲線條以及它們(men) 是如何相互補充的。我想象著食譜以意大利文書(shu) 寫(xie) ，巧克力碎片像是在厚重的慢板介質中的快速斷音。

但我的手指總是在每次演奏的尾聲時絆倒，餅幹的細節變成了一團糟的聲響。我攪拌、篩分、再攪拌，我不斷地預熱烤箱，但每一批都有其缺陷，要麽(me) 是太甜，要麽(me) 邊緣燒焦，呈顆粒狀，或者沒烤熟。盡管餅幹是出於(yu) 被困雪天的無聊而生，但它們(men) 不可預測的本質繼續吸引著我。

每次我的努力產(chan) 生不完美的結果時，我都培養(yang) 了再次嚐試的韌性。下周我會(hui) 帶著新鮮的圍裙回來，準備再次嚐試。我對每次嚐試的古怪之處都著迷。僅(jin) 僅(jin) 混合和吃是不夠的——我必須理解。

我的創造性視角讓這項任務保持了吸引力。盡管我的過程重複，我找到了活躍食譜的新角度。在大學及以後，將會(hui) 有像烘焙餅幹這樣的事情，看起來如此不變，它們(men) 有可能把自己變成家庭主婦的苦差事。

但從(cong) 我在廚房的時間裏，我學會(hui) 了如何更深入地探究我任務的機製，將音樂(le) 帶入單調，並將工作變成娛樂(le) 。不管未來我的餅幹如何破碎，我都會(hui) 帶著好奇心、創造力和真誠來對待我的工作。

點評：Daniella的散文可愛、有趣且有效。它真誠而自然地展示了她的不同麵貌，她如何處理問題，她的價(jia) 值觀是什麽(me) 。主題的平凡非常適合她的結論和洞見。她運用幽默，展現了韌性、創造力、知識好奇心以及對哲學思考的真實傾(qing) 向。她的“聲音”很自信，用詞富有創意，每個(ge) 段落的詞匯巧妙地反映了她的不同方麵（科學家“記錄了每一次嚐試”；音樂(le) 家試圖創造“狂想曲般的甜點”）。

詳細描述Daniella製作餅幹過程的幾個(ge) 段落也非常有力。她停留在感官細節上，這些細節產(chan) 生共鳴（你可以聞到、嚐到和感受到那些巧克力塊餅幹），而不是在文章中塞滿她各種證書(shu) 或經曆的提及。這種結構大膽而謙遜。它讓Daniella向讀者展示了她如何思考、如何解決(jue) 問題、如何堅持不懈，而不是告訴讀者。這是非常有力的。

這篇散文字數為(wei) 618字（標準限製是650字）。Daniella本可以用額外的字數增加第3段的內(nei) 容：她是否在其他地方也經曆過類似的過程導致不同的結果——也許在音樂(le) 表演中？在接下來的段落中，她可能還加一句話，考慮大氣條件對烘焙的潛在影響，以及更廣泛/比喻性地考慮。

以下是英文原文——

@Daniella

Each time I bake cookies, they come out differently. Butter, sugar, eggs, flour — I measure with precision, stir with vigor, then set the oven to 375°F. The recipe is routine, yet hardly redundant.After a blizzard left me stranded indoors with nothing but a whisk and a pantry full of the fundamentals, I made my first batch: a tray of piping hot chocolate chunkers whose melt-in-the-mouth morsels comforted my snowed-in soul. Such a flawless description, however, belies my messy process. In reality, my method was haphazard and carefree, the cookies a delicious fortuity that has since been impossible to replicate.Each subsequent batch I make is a gamble.

Will the cookies flatten and come out crispy? Stay bulbous and gooey? Am I a bad baker, or are they inherently capricious? Even with a recipe book full of suggestions, I can never place a finger on my mistake. The cookies are fickle and short-tempered. Baking them is like walking on eggshells — and I have an empty egg carton to prove it.

Perhaps beginner’s luck had been the secret ingredient all along.Yet, curiosesity keeps me flipping to the same page in my recipe book. I became engrossed in perfecting the cookies not by the mechanical satisfaction of watching ingredients combine into batter, but by the chance to wonder at simplicity. The inconsistency is captivating. It is, after all, a strict recipe, identical ingredients combined in the same permutation.

How can such orthodox steps yield such radical, unpredictable results? Even with the most formulaic tasks, I am questioning the universe.Chemistry explains some of the anomaly. For instance, just a half-pinch extra of baking soda can have astounding ramifications on how the dough bubbles. The kitchen became my laboratory: I diaried each trial like a scientist; I bought a scale for more accurate measurements; I borrowed “On Food and Cooking: the Science and Lore of the Kitchen” from the library. But all to no avail — the variables refused to come together in any sort of equilibrium.I then approached the problem like a pianist, taking the advice my teacher wrote in the margins of my sheet music and pouring it into the mixing bowl. There are 88 pitches on a keyboard, and there are a dozen ingredients in the recipe.

To create a rhapsodic dessert, I needed to understand all of the melodic and harmonic lines and how they complemented one another. I imagined the recipe in Italian script, the chocolate chips as quick staccatos suspended in a thick adagio medium. But my fingers always stumbled at the coda of each performance, the details of the cookies turning to a hodgepodge of sound.I whisk, I sift, I stir, I pre-heat the oven again, but each batch has its flaws, either too sweet, burnt edges, grainy, or underdone.

Though the cookies were born of boredom, their erratic nature continues to fascinate me. Each time my efforts yield an imperfect result, I develop resilience to return the following week with a fresh apron, ready to try again. I am mesmerized by the quirks of each trial. It isn’t enough to just mix and eat — I must understand.My creative outlook has kept the task engaging.

Despite the repetition in my process, I find new angles that liven the recipe. In college and beyond, there will be things like baking cookies, endeavors that seem so unvaried they risk spoiling themselves to a housewife’s drudgery. But from my time in the kitchen, I have learned how to probe deeper into the mechanics of my tasks, to bring music into monotony, and to turn work into play. However the cookie crumbles in my future, I will approach my work with curiosesity, creativity, and earnestness.

範例三：征服滑板場@Billy

當我在皮博迪滑板場的緩坡上來回騎行時，我看到我弟弟從(cong) 半管的最高點飛馳而下，速度如光。我希望我也能做到，我想著，眼睛盯著高聳在我上方的巨大曲線。但我不敢向頂部進發。我繼續堅持在我熟悉的常規坡道，不惜一切代價(jia) 避免陡峭的坡度。

在我四年級前的那個(ge) 夏天，每一周我和我弟弟都會(hui) 去同一個(ge) 滑板場，我會(hui) 騎著我的小型BMX自行車到那個(ge) 巨大的斜坡底部，準備“征服巨人”。起初太害怕了，我隻能到達四分之一的高度，不敢再高。但每周，我都不斷獲得著更多的信心，並達到更高的高度。一半，三分之二，四分之三。直到最後，我鼓起足夠的勇氣完成最後的挑戰。

弟弟的歡呼聲在我耳邊回響，似乎那混凝土塊在呼喚我的名字，吸引我越來越近，直到我再也無法抗拒它的懇求。我把自行車推上樓梯，走向陡峭的落差。我的手開始出汗，我的腿開始顫抖，當我向邊緣移動時，麵對厄運。最後在斜坡的邊緣，我短暫停頓，深呼吸，然後向前移動足以將自己加速下坡。我無法抑製我的興(xing) 奮，當我的“哇！”在公園裏回蕩。我終於(yu) 騎下了最高的坡道！

我迄今為(wei) 止的人生中，我喜歡有計劃並掌控一切。在團隊合作時，我確保每個(ge) 人都清楚地知道他們(men) 將完成項目的哪個(ge) 部分。我在計劃表中安排所有的作業(ye) ，所以我永遠不會(hui) 錯過截止日期。每晚，我都會(hui) 概述第二天的日程安排，以便我知道要參加哪些會(hui) 議、體(ti) 育賽事和其他活動。當我夏天訪問紐約市時，我準備了一份詳細的行程表。很少有一天我不知道我要做什麽(me) ，但有時候我的計劃和一天真正的發展並不相符。

多年來，我已經學會(hui) 在情況出現意想不到的轉變時適應，並且，就像在滑板場的那次一樣，我已經能夠更頻繁地走出我的舒適區。事情不完全按計劃進行並不是世界末日；往往突然的變化和新的經曆會(hui) 帶來更多的樂(le) 趣和興(xing) 趣。

盡管我非常喜歡嚴(yan) 格的行程安排，但我最好的一些夜晚始於(yu) 和我的朋友們(men) 跳上車，選擇一個(ge) 方向，然後隨風而行。盡管我盡力計劃我的一天，但不可預見的事件幾乎是不可避免的。雖然這可能帶來一些壓力，但匆忙解決(jue) 問題不僅(jin) 是一項基本技能，也可以是一個(ge) 有趣的挑戰。

我無法想象一個(ge) 完全有組織的生活，沒有一點不確定性。意外的情況肯定會(hui) 發生，充分利用它們(men) 是我生活中最喜歡的部分之一。無論我多麽(me) 喜歡有計劃，我的靈活性和願意走出我的舒適區是我擁有並一直引以為(wei) 傲的東(dong) 西。

點評：Billy征服皮博迪滑板場巨大坡道的故事不僅(jin) 僅(jin) 是通過逐步暴露風險來擴大他的舒適區。要真正理解這個(ge) 插曲如何提升他的候選資格，必須考慮其更大的背景。Billy承認自己是一個(ge) 超級有組織的行程安排者，一直都喜歡掌控一切。

一個(ge) 四年級Billy騎著BMX自行車下坡的形象與(yu) 他廣泛的課外領導和雄心勃勃的環境工程抱負所描繪的形象完全相反。

Billy的散文沒有明確地說，但向我們(men) 展示了他的自由放養(yang) 的童年夏天現在與(yu) 他嚴(yan) 格超計劃的高中歲月有多大的不同。盡管這感覺像是很久以前的事，但Billy並沒有忘記一點點走向邊緣，麵對厄運，並且願意放手。

事實上，每當Billy按下目標導向追求的暫停按鈕，拋開謹慎，和朋友們(men) 開始一次即興(xing) 的公路旅行冒險時，記憶就像八年前一樣清晰。Billy的半管故事平衡了一個(ge) 可能在沒有它的情況下顯得保守或不靈活的候選資格，展示了對變得過於(yu) 依賴遊戲計劃的機會(hui) 成本的自我意識。以下是英文原文——

@Billy

As I rode up and down the gentle slopes of the Peabody skatepark, I watched my younger brother race down from the highest point on the halfpipe and fly past me at the speed of light. I wish I could do that, I thought, eyeing the enormous curve that towered over me. But I didn’t dare make my way up to the top.

Instead, I stuck with the routine I was comfortable with, avoiding the steep inclines at all costs.Each week during the summer before my fourth grade year, my brother and I would visit that same skatepark, and I would take my mini-BMX bike to the bottom of that monstrous ramp, ready to attack the giant. I started off low reaching only a quarter of the way up at first, too scared to go any higher. But each week, I gained more confidence and kept reaching greater heights.

Halfway there, two-thirds, three quarters. Until finally, I mustered up enough courage to complete my final challenge.With my brother’s shouts of joy ringing in my ears, it seemed as though the concrete mass was calling my name, drawing me closer and closer, until I couldn’t resist its pleading any further.

I walked my bike up the stairs and approached the steep drop off. My hands started to sweat and my legs began to shake as I inched toward the edge, staring in the face of doom. Finally at the lip of the ramp, I paused briefly, took a deep breath, and moved forward just enough to send myself speeding downwards.

I couldn’t contain my excitement as my, “Woooo!” echoed around the park. I had finally ridden down the tallest ramp!Throughout my life I have enjoyed having a plan and being in control. When working in a group, I make sure that everyone knows exactly which aspect of the project they will complete.

I organize all my homework in a planner so that I never miss a due date. Each night, I outline my schedule for the following day so that I know what meetings, sports events, and other activities I have to attend.

When I visited New York City over the summer, I prepared a detailed itinerary to follow. Rarely is there a day when I don’t have a general idea of what I’m going to do, but sometimes my plan doesn’t correlate with how the day truly plays out.

Over the years, I have learned to adapt when situations take an unexpected turn, and, similar to that time at the skatepark, I have been able to step out of my comfort zone more often. It isn’t the end of the world when things don’t go exactly as planned; often times, sudden changes and new experiences make for a more enjoyable and interesting time.

As much as I enjoy a strict itinerary, some of my best nights have begun by hopping in the car with my friends, picking a direction, and going wherever the wind takes us. As hard as I try to plan out my day, an unforeseen event is almost inevitable.

Although this can bring about some stress, scrambling around to figure things out is not only an essential skill, but can be a fun challenge, too.I can’t imagine a completely organized life without a little uncertainty.

Unexpected circumstances are bound to occur, and making the most of them is one of my favorite parts of life. Regardless of how much I love having a plan, my flexibility and willingness to step out of my comfort zone is something I have and will always take pride in.